Hadley's Birth Story

So here it is 6 months later. I still havent finished mailing out her announcements, so dont feel bad if you didnt get one.

Hadley was due on the 19th. On February 5th I went to my regular OBGYN check up.

My blood pressure was as normal as could be, but the protein in my urine count was waaaay high.

Baby coming out today!

I knew with Emery the day she would be born, and I had that same feeling that day with Hadley.

Now let me say that my normal BP is like 90/40....which in many cases is low. But that is usually my normal, non pregnant number. So being pregnant it goes up. What I am getting at is just because mine was a normal level, for me it was high.

Honestly I have no idea what time is was. Probably around noon when I got home and told Benji that we were heading to the hospital asap. And that I most likely had pre-eclampsia. Which I was not expecting at all. I was waiting on confirmation from my Dr. that the labs indicated preeclampsia. I had time to take a shower, call some family and friends. Then off to the OR we went.

Now this was my 3rd C-section so I was not as nervous about that. Just that my body was apparently giving up and kicking Hadley out. I Was definitely not prepared for what was about to happen.

I had a GREAT experience with Jesse. the Anesthesiologist and his crew were amazing. I had my doctor of choice doing the section.

With Hadley I immediately felt uneasy about the spinal and the fact that my Dr. wasn't on call and I had to have one I had never even met.

With all 3 of my sections the Anesthesiologist have told me "you're going to feel like you cant breathe, but if you can talk, you can breathe."

Well, ya know what happened next. Everything was going great. Normal routine, Hadley was out, Benji got to see her. I got to see her.

Then I could not breathe. NO REALLY. COULDN'T TALK, COULD NOT BREATHE. NOTHING. I was gasping for air and trying to get the attention of anyone.

Next thing I knew I heard someone say "we have to put you under, Benji, please step out, " and that was it. I was put to sleep for 45 minutes and intubated because my spinal ended up turning into a total spinal. you can google it if you need. But basically once the baby was out I lost enough fluid and blood, weight, to throw off the balance of how much spinal I had and how much my body could handle.

I kept thinking "this must be how Michael Jackson felt" haha.

Once I woke up I still had not realized what happened. Everything was a blur and my memory is a little hazy. They moved me to a baby and mother room, I thought everything was fine.

Then the Dr. that did my section came in and told me that I had lost a lot of blood. ummm I was at a 4 BC. normal is like 12....sooooo needless to say they were going to have to give me a blood transfusion. Two bags of blood later I still felt horrible. My kidneys were not functioning because of the loss of fluid and blood so I wasn't allowed anti inflammatory pain meds, so my pain was through the roof.

I actually ate nothing the entire time I was in the hospital. The day they discharged me I was still nauseous and barely able to stand, not from the pain but from the loss of blood.

Basically this was the worst birth experience of all 3. Emery's was scary because she was sick, Jesse's was great and Hadley's was horrible because I almost died. THREE IS ENOUGH FOR THIS CROWD. I am perfectly content with the 3 babies my body has grown and carried. I am so thankful that they are healthy and that I am here to watch them grow.

My PPD was about the same this time. I still struggle with it daily. Actually this 6 month mark has been the most difficult, but I think that may have to do with Benji being gone so much this summer and Emery starting kindergarten.

I am hopeful that as soon as my hormone levels settle, I can start exercising regularly, that I will be able to look back on my season of PPD and find some way to help other mother's who have the same issue.

So if any of you out there have dealt with PPD. LET ME KNOW! Im an expert....haha. I have good days and bad days. The stereotypes and "stories" you hear are not necessarily how it all plays out. I am here for anyone dealing with feelings that they don't wish to have nor that they can control.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and you can not pray your way out of PPD. I am a Christian, a very firm one. I believe in the power of prayer in all things and I do believe it can help, but PPD is a hormonal problem. You need to talk with your OBGYN if you feel like you may be struggling with it. I will post more on my journey through PPD and OCD. combined= a hot mess! But I have Dr's who love me and want me to be the best mother I can, so I braved the judgment of others and got medical help. Which most definitely saved my life.

Obsessed.

HELOOOOOO KING GEORGE!!!! I am so obsessed with this couple. Seriously, she could not be more beautiful and perfect and well, he IS Prince William. I was so excited when baby boy was born. 

Also obsessed with The Hunger Games. I know, I'm like 3 years behind but I just started and don't think I will stop until I'm done with all 3. 

Obsessed with juicing! Suja juice (check out their website) is my juice of choice. I feel like it's really making a difference in my over all energy. I actually have two juicers somewhere, probably in my mom's storage unit....but ain't nobody got time to juice 7 carrots and lbs of kale when I have 3 kids. So for now I am buying mine at Whole Foods. 

Benji is back packing in West Virginia this week. Whatever. 

We decided, since we just got back from the beach, that now would be a good time to switch Jesse to a toddler bed. So far so good. 

 I want to paint our bedroom. It's blah to me.....  

We had an amazing, wonderful, way too short time at the beach and I soaked up every moment. I slept late, took naps, and played in the sand with my kids. Such a much needed retreat for our crazy, busy family. 

Emery turned 5 while we were at the beach. She starts kindergarten in about two weeks. I'm OBSESSED about this as well. I can not believe it. She was 2 weeks old when Benji started working at BCBC. Now she is FIVE!!!!!!! 

Jesse also starts MMO this year. my sweet baby boy will be in school at the church twice a week. He will have Miss. Kim and Miss Nancy. (Who Emery started pre K with). I swear. They are the BEST 2yr old teachers on the planet. I can't wait until he gets to spend time with both of them. 

Hadley has cut 2 teeth in the past week. I am OBSESSED with this baby! I love her so much and am so thankful every day that we decided to have a 3rd. I'll be honest, I was scared. And I still have days (like yesterday) that I wonder "what was I thinking?" but then I also have days that I truly wish we could have JUST ONE MORE. But I am convinced that the LORD has led us to stop at 3. We have not given up on the idea of adoption, but my body is finished producing off spring. 

I am also currently obsessed with reading again. I got to read a few books on vacation and like any OCD patient I am currently in the middle of like 5 books! ha. I did get to finish one entire book on vacation. I am now reading The Hunger Games which I am so hooked on.

I am obsessed with LOSING THIS DAG GUM BABY WEIGHT. Seriously I am sooo so sos so so over it. Once Emery starts school I will get things rolling with either a gym nearby or our YMCA. I need to lose at least 50lbs. Maybe even 80. I just want to feel good about myself again and it has been along 5 years having one baby after another and moving 3,4 however many times. I need a routine and I am hoping that this fall brings one. 

Well, Benji and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary this month. I seriously can not believe it has been that long. We have been through so much. I love him more today than the day we married, so that's good! We spent a blissful weekend in Buckhead at the W Buckhead Hotel. Ahmazing. Hotel. We had a blast. 

I am heading to sleepy time. all 3 kidddos are tucked into bed and Benji is somewhere sleeping on the dirt ground. Ha! I am climbing into our down comforter bed. NIGHTY NIGHTY!

Jay Gatsby

I can't get over it y'all. the movie was so beautiful. and perfect. and the music, perfect. the colors, perfect, wardrobe. LEO IS GATSBY.

Any way. I am so obsessed with the 20's. With FSF, Hemingway, all the ex pats that lived in Paris during that time.....ANDDDDD!!!! and Dowton Abbey...I just can not contain myself.

We are doing great. Benji is finally done with the subbing for the Greenville Co. school system special needs transportation (for the year). All the graduation ceremonies and parties are over and we are so, so thankful for this weekend of rest at home. Which we will NEED once his summer schedule gets going.

Hadley is getting bigger by the day, as well as Jesse and Emery. I signed Emery up for KINDERGARTEN!!!!!! AAHHHHHH.  i really am excited for her, only a little sad and a little nervous. but i know she will love it and thrive.

I have been frantically trying to find things for us to do every day during the summer. So far I have every day booked but Tuesday, so that will be our "chill" day. play outside in water, watch movies, color, shop :)......I have LOVED having a 3rd baby. I do not regret it at all. we have had some hairy moments. but i am so in love with Hadley. I can imagine our life without 3 kids. God is so good to us. Even though I worried through the entire pregnancy he heard my prayers and gave us a healthy baby. What more could I ask for?

We start our summer schedule Monday. Benji is supa busy in the summers. So I try and plan things for us to do every day.

I swear I am posting Hadley's birth story soon. Just got to get some time to remember the order of things. Happy summer all!

The Weekend Is Near

Life gets busier and busier doesn't it? I know my life is no different than anyone else's with multiple young children. Mom's who stay at home staring at the same walls day in and day out....panicking at the thought of even taking 3 to the grocery store alone. I mean where would the groceries go anyway??? Emery is definitely not old enough to walk around Walmart. Just the other day I was in there alone and a child was lost. Scary moment!

But I ain't gonna lie. We are T.I.R.E.D. Benji is working two jobs. Driving a special needs bus for Greenville co. Schools from 430-9am, then working his regular office hours, AND his never ending on call duties as mentor, discipler, counselor, hospital minister, mission trip leader, Sunday school teacher, best youth pastor ever, etc. WE LOVE OUR CHURCH AND HE LOVES HIS JOB, AND I LOVE HIS JOB. We just have a newborn and a 4 yr old and 2yr old and we are exhausted.

It is safe to say that we do not see much of each other. I am home most of the days still. The flu is STILL going around this area and I will not, NOT have another baby put in the hospital this young. (remember Jesse was in the hospital around this age)....But we have finally started back to Sunday mornings and I am so excited about that break and that time to worship with my church family.

I still am so thankful and so amazed at God's sovereign plan to bring us back to Brushy Creek. I have found the BEST friends I could ever imagine. I love what little I can do with the high school youth, (my kids just are my priority right now so i miss out on a ton. it really tears me inside because I want to be able to do both so bad)......

Any way. My 35th birthday is coming up in about a month and I am really having a hard time with this number! I do remember 30 being a difficult year for me as well, but I was Graduating seminary, about to have a baby...I had a lot of things to look forward to. I have been trying to focus on the positives about my 35 years of life. I have done most of everything I dreamed of doing. I've traveled, I've been educated, I've had THREEEEEEE kids! (i never thought i would have 3 in a million years). I have a strong, still funny and exciting marriage.

I just am feeling a sense of panic or unrest about the fact that realistically my life is half over. Another 35 years and I will be 70! I can still remember being about 12 or 13 and just wishing I was 18 so bad! haha. Then I can remember being 18, like it was yesterday. In a lot of ways I am still that same girl. Thankfully I am more secure and know that I deserve WAY more than I thought of myself at 18. But sometimes, driving alone, I feel that 18 year old bubbling up inside. That Kristi, she was so excited about the future, about GOD, about LIFE in general. I can honestly say that I have exceeded my own 18 year old expectations. I give all that glory to the GRACE OF GOD. Some days I want to stab my eyeballs out, (I'm just being honest here) but somedays I am so overcome with thankfulness and gladness that I feel my heart might burst. Our God is Faithful, friends. Don't give up. Don't grow weary.

YES we are exhausted! but we are exactly where we want and need to be. God's grace is sufficient.

What Day Is It?

I understand now what happened to all my friend's bloggos when they had more than 2 kids! Ha. We are LOVING Hadley, of course. I have just now started to get out of the house. Went back to church last week, got my hair done this weekend, Hadley spent her first weekend away, etc. There is not much to report because all I ever do is stay here. I change two in diapers, feed 3, 3 times a day (more for Hadley still) sometimes I forget about feeding myself. Oh and I have to feed Vance too. :) 

I went to my first GNO since baby#3 was born. Celebrating one of my best friends 40th birthday. 

I've been thinking about turning 35 alot lately. It is my next birthday and I seriously can not believe I am that old. 

When I look back on my life I am satisfied with all I have done so far, but I can not help but feel a sense of panic. Turning 35 is halfway to the grave. Realistically it is middle age. There are still so many thing I want to do and places I want to go. I want to go SSOOOO many more places. 

I feel like these days the only place I go is Walmart. Seriously. 

Anyway Hadley is a doll. Emery has been acting out a little. Drawing on walls, homemade slip in slide, using the word "freakin" you know normal 4 year old stuff. 

Jesse is Jesse. :) 

Today I cleaned like a mad woman and of course went to Walmart. That's about it. 

Days are flying by and I'm not sure if I like it or not. 

These Four Walls

First off let me start by saying, the 3rd baby....by far the easiest one yet. I'm not sure if it's luck or just how it is with all 3rd children. Hadley is doing awesome. I LOVE having a baby to cuddle. It has also made me appreciate special time I get alone with Emery and Jesse. All 3 are so unique and are so special in their own way to me. 

Today Emery and I went shopping together. I see alot of money and alot of time being spent between the 2 of us shopping together. Girlfriend loves shopping!

Things have been great here. Though I am getting soooo tired of being stuck in the house. I've decided Easter Sunday is our "coming out" party. I just can not sit in this house any longer staring at the same walls.

I have gotten some things done around here that I normally wouldn't have time for, but I am ready for a schedule and a life again. We all love having a new baby in the house! Yay for Hadley Carrie Ladd!

Hadley Carrie Ladd: Official Debut

       I can not even stand the cuteness. I have the BEST friends ever, with so much talent. If you're on Facebook go and Like Elizabeth Allison Photography. Especially if you live in our area, I promise she is the best around. She does amazing family and child portraits/senior pictures, etc. Thank you LIZ!!!

She's Here!

Hadley came a little early. Bless her, she new her mama was ready! She is beautiful and perfect and I am just trying to soak up every second. God has been so gracious to us. 

9 Days! Brain in Overdrive

Thankfully I have amazing friends and family and they have all set me up with the last minute things I need for Hadley. My GNO girls gave me a super fun diaper shower and I got a ton of wipes and diapers. SOOOO thankful for them and the love that we all have for each other. I seriously prayed for decades for a group of friends like this one. most of them have 3 kids too, So we can all be crazy together. :)

 This weekend we headed to Gainesville to celebrate Asher's FOURTH birthday party. For real y'all, my sister throws the best parties. This year it was a circus theme. SO FUN. Emery and Jesse had a blast and I enjoyed all the circus food a little too much.

Jesse has his 2nd birthday coming up on the 23rd. I have GOT to get prepared for that before Hadley comes and I've also got to get Emery's valentines ready for her class, since I will be in the hospital still on Valentines day. I really am so excited about having another squishy baby in the house. The only anxiety I really have is that she comes out healthy, no issues and gets to come home with us on time.

I constantly feel so undeserving off all the good things I have in my life. I can't believe God is allowing us to raise yet another one of his children. On top of all that I get to parent with the BEST husband on the planet. I seriously mean that. I try not to over emphasis all he does all the time because I realize not everyone has that. But he does more than I ever deserve. I'm trying to rest and relax these next nine days before major surgery and a new baby!

The Bitter End

One of my friends calls the last few weeks of pregnancy "the bitter end" . I agree.  Saturday afternoon my back started really, REALLY hurting.

I know this is my 3rd kid, but I have never been in full on labor so I still get confused as to what to expect once it gets this close to the end.

By Sunday morning I could barely stand OR sit and lying down brought little relief as well. I texted a few of my friends (one a nurse, one a pharmacist) and asked them if I really couldn't take some Advil or Aleve. Both said If I was hurting that bad I should call my Dr.

So I called the nurse on call. She told me to hang up the phone and call 911!!! ahhhh

So I've never called 911! EVER. It was quite the experience. The ambulance seriously got to our house in like 1 minute. I was very proud of myself for how calm I was! I was more worried about Emery and Jesse freaking out. I called a friend to come get them and I am so thankful that she got here as fast as she could and the kids were unfazed.

They hooked me up in L&D triage and of course I was not in labor. BUT, they reassured me that at 37 weeks it was the best thing for me to do, just to make sure. I got sent home with some pain meds and the reality that my back is probably just going to hurt until Hadley is out.

I'm definitely feeling better after a few days of watching how I bend and lift things. I cleaned the carpets yesterday in the kid's room and that was probably not a good idea.

Jesse and Emery have done GREAT sharing a room. I am so relieved that it has gone well. I think it is hardest for me because I want them to each have their own space, but I realize that they love being together. Jesse I think goes to sleep better with Emery in the room.

I am so thankful for all that God has blessed Benji and I with. Can not wait to share Hadley with everyone!

23 Days

Count down is on to Hadley's birthday. 23 days! I go from panic to excitement, from anticipation to anxiety.

What's new? we've had the flu around here! BOOOO. Actually it was only Jesse that fell prey to the nasty virus. Yes, we all had the flu vaccine, Yes he would have been much worse if he had not have had it. His fever lasted about 3 days and his cough/sore throat about 4. Pretty mild considering it is pretty severe this year. It's been raining, raining, raining, here.

We've been doing a ton of cleaning, organizing, washing, scrubbing, etc, preparing for baby #3.(With a  lot of help from Willard, my mom, sister, and Benji's mom!)

 This week I have certainly felt the weight of the last weeks of pregnancy hit me. I am exhausted, my reflux is horrible and my back pain is almost unbearable. I'm holding on though! can not wait to meet our girl.

I've only gained 10lbs with this pregnancy! holy cow, I never thought that was possible. I credit the stomach bug I had 3 times, my kids running me ragged and the reflux that has kept me nauseous most of the nine months.

Today Jesse and I are skipping church yet again. He's not contagious anymore, but I'm holding my breath, praying that none of us catch anything else before February 12th.

2 Goals For The New Year. Just 2!

I realized this morning that I had not left the house since I got home on Saturday! ha. It's easy for me to do these days since I am so huge and lugging 2 two toddlers with me somewhere is a major chore. Anyway, this afternoon I decided I would venture out to Hobby Lobby and start (finally) preparing Hadley's nursery.

I only have 2 goals this year. 1. get this house AND ME MENTALLY ready for baby #3 and 2. start being more conscious of my budgeting. Last year we spent alot of time in Dr's offices, the hospital, car repair shops (hello new transmission) and eventually had to buy 2 new (used) cars. NOT a great year for financial growth. I realize many people have serious medical issues and horrible bills, so I am trying to keep everything in perspective. BUT, I would really love to pay off all our medical bills/ including Hadley's birth and then start REALLY saving a cushion for our future.

I enjoy this site, The Budget Diet, for realistic goals and tips on how to be more frugal. There are some easy steps to cutting spending.

http://www.thebudgetdiet.com/10-frugal-living-habits-to-start-this-year





Today we found out that a precious, dear family in our church and also one of Emery's MMO teacher's,(from when she was 2) lost their youngest son in a tragic, crazy accident yesterday. I am so heartbroken for "Miss Nancy". Emery LOVES her and her family and I can not imagine the pain they are experiencing. Please, please pray for this family. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

 I have been so slack in blogging! It's not because I don't think about doing it, I do. I just have been so tired once I get the time. We celebrated Thanksgiving with the big family a few weekends ago. Then I celebrated with my friends, our 4th annual GNO Thanksgiving feast, such a fun time with girls that mean the world to me. Emery had a Thanksgiving feast at school on Monday, needless to say we have had our share of turkey this year! haha... so today Benji's mom and dad came up and helped us put up our tree. I cooked steaks! The kids were so excited about finally getting the tree out!

 I have been looking forward to this "time off" so much. I know my routine doesn't change much, but just having Benji home and Emery not in school takes half the load off my shoulders. I covet family time because Benji is SOOO busy. I LONG for the days that we are all at home, sharing meals and playing with the kids.

 Jesse is starting to say recognizable words, finally! I've been kind of worried for awhile that he may be delayed in speech but at almost 21 months he is just starting to really show some progress, daily. We have a hearing screening appointment in December so we will see how he progresses until then, hopefully we will cancel the appointment.

Benji had a busy day on Monday frying about a dozen turkeys for the Celebrate Recovery program at our church. I think they had a little fun out there, being men, cooking meat.

Okay! think we are mostly caught up. Hadley is doing great, 2 and 1/2 lbs already. I know how fast the next few weeks will go, which means she will be here before we know it. Can not wait!

Restless, Nesting, Ready To GOOOO!

Y'all for real, I am so restless.

I want to like run a marathon, or go to Europe, or climb a mountain or do anything but dishes and laundry and dishes and laundry! ha!

It's got to be a combination of the gorgeous weather and the fact that I'm just waiting around on Hadley to make an appearance. I guess part of me knows that once she is here, the chapter of "child bearing" years will be over for us. I will mentally be able to start working more on getting my self back together, ummm losing weight #1. Finding an outlet/hobby #2.

Every day I have these grandiose ideas of cooking crazy things, wanting to start some project on the house, clean out the attic, whatever is ridiculous, I think about it and want to do it..

 
CRAZY Pregnant hormones!

So on a whim and a very impulsive night. I ordered these Veronica Slouch Frye Boots from Zappos, on a Friday night and they were on my porch Monday morning. I have to say I have never, ever spent this much on boots, but I am so glad I did. These are seriously some of the most beautiful hand crafted boots I have ever seen. I know I will wear them forever. No buyer's remorse here! Early Christmas present from Hadley to me. :)

 Am I the only one who thinks about Paris everyday? 

This may seem contradictory since I just posted about splurging on a pair of boots, but I swear it's not. I am so, so grateful for where God has me and my family right now. My cup is overflowing with blessings. My husband is the LOVE of my life, my best friend. My home is my favorite soft place to fall and my kids keep my heart beating. That TRULY is all I need. The boots just add to the fun of having to wear shoes. * 

My Boy. My True Love, Jesse. Makes my heart skip! 

Filet that I cooked the other night. If I had cooked 4 I would have eaten them all. For realz. 

My fake, fat, pregnant girl ring I got for 40 bucks to wear since my wedding bands don't fit! ha FUN! 

Hadley Carrie Ladd

Here SHE is!!!!!! It's a girl!!!! talk about a shocking and exciting day! We were all so convinced it was a boy.

I've gotten over the shock and am super excited about having another girl to raise.

A little background on her name: I take naming children VERY seriously. One of the most stressful parts of pregnancy to me. I want my children's names to be unique, but not weird, full of heritage, but not old fashion, Their initials have to fall in place nicely, no ASS or BOB for initials...haha. No names starting with the same letters. I wanted each child to have their own letter. Picky I know but that's just me.

HADLEY- is a name I have always been fond of. It was always southern sounding but not heard a ton. Then I took a class on Hemingway in college and learned that his first wife's name was Hadley. It is believed that he never really got over her and that she was his one true love for the rest of his tortured life. I LOVE Hemingway, I know people either love or hate him.....Anyway in the early stages of my pregnancy I read The Paris Wife. A historical fiction about the early years of Hemingway and Hadley's marriage. I fell in love with the name again and decided "if" the baby was a girl, Hadley would be her name.

Just recently Benji's maternal Grandmother, Maw Maw passed away. Benji spend many, many days at his grandparents house and was very close to both. Wallace, his grandfather taught him to hunt, he passed away when Benji was a teenager. Jesse's middle name comes from him. 

Anyway back to Hadley, when I found out what his Maw Maw's middle name was, Carrie, I was set! It was the perfect middle name for our next daughter, if indeed we were having a daughter. 

On October 2nd. We found out that in fact there would be no Rocco coming in February but HADLEY CARRIE LADD will join our family!