Where Is The Time Going!!???

I am so pumped about Christmas this year. This year we will be spending time at our home as a family of 5! While we will miss extended family, I am so thankful that we will have the time to spend together. 

We've all been sick since about mid October. BOO! It's been a nightmare. Hopefully this week we are on the mend and will be ready for Christmas, healthy and well. 

Christmas is so much fun with kids. I cherish these days that they are little. Praise The LORD for all the goodness that he has given us, Through his SON and through our family. 

My heart is over flowing this season with gratitude for all our blessings. MERRY CHRISTMAS ERRBODY! 

LOVE, THE LADD'S 

End Of October

First off, I need to post this recipe.

Im kind of a closet meatloaf lover. It never sounds appealing to me but I love to buy the one in the Publix butcher aisle. It's pretty pricey though and my family has grown enough that I'm about to have to start buying two. I saw this on Facebook, hopefully we'll be trying it soon!

BEST MEAT LOAF EVER

Halloween has come and gone. in fact, the entire month of October has come and gone in a blur. Most of it has been spent with kids being sick, watching GA football, mama being sick, daddy being at work and kids being sick!

We did have a great halloween, with some great friends.

Emery is loving kindergarten. I have to say that I have begun to miss her a little during the week. it just seems so long for her to be out of the house.

Jesse loves MMO and I love the one on one time I get with Hadley.

Hadley is sitting up and jabbering like a boss! She is so loud! Ha I guess she has to compete with her siblings.

I am so looking forward to the holidays. Hopefully things will slow down just a little. I would love to spend some quality time with family and friends.

Gettin Real Up In HEERRRE

Benji's running 8 minute miles after 3 weeks of running. ever. He's given up Diet Mt. Dew and is "just eating less". lost 11 lbs.

So I've got to get with it. I gave myself until this 5k we ran a few weeks ago. Then I got serious about getting back to my pre baby routines/ health/weight. As of last Thursday I have lost 2 lbs...woopty do. But seriously I know that 2 lbs a week is a good slow way to do it. I'm watching portions and trying to cut back on carbs and processed foods. I also gave up buying diet coke!!!! BELIEVE IT!!!! I have one about once a week and that is it. I figured I've been chronically dehydrated since I had Hadley. I feel so much better eating well and drinking more water.

Soon I will be joining the YMCA again. and I can't wait. I LOVED the classes they offered and honestly it is a great get away/stress reliever for me to get away from the kids for an hour and do something for me.

I've also made a conscious decision to be more physical around the house. Cleaning regularly, vacuuming more often and mopping. I feel like that is cardio that is killing two birds with one stone!

I realize this is going to be a long journey. I'm not looking or wanting overnight results. I want to have a healthy life style, a healthy body and mind.

I am finally feeling like I'm coming out of the fog of new babyhood. Hadley is 8 months now and is the greatest blessing.

3 kids are hectic, aint gonna lie. Especially when Benji is so busy. I just miss him so much and the kids miss him.

We are so blessed though. I'm beginning to feel real joy again, which I haven't in a long time. I'm beginning to feel motivation and energy and determination to change my body physically and mentally. I am not wishing these baby days away, but I am excited about getting to the point where I have time to work on the health of myself.

Book Worm, Night Owl, Perks of Being a Mockingjay

Sorry for the lack of posts.

I am reading, alot.

And I am trying to stay off the internet as much as possible.

and I got three kids now.

and one's in kindergarten

and it's college football season.

I've been busy with life. Which is good. Being busy keeps me moving, which keeps me less depressed.

and that's a good thing.

Hadley's Birth Story

So here it is 6 months later. I still havent finished mailing out her announcements, so dont feel bad if you didnt get one.

Hadley was due on the 19th. On February 5th I went to my regular OBGYN check up.

My blood pressure was as normal as could be, but the protein in my urine count was waaaay high.

Baby coming out today!

I knew with Emery the day she would be born, and I had that same feeling that day with Hadley.

Now let me say that my normal BP is like 90/40....which in many cases is low. But that is usually my normal, non pregnant number. So being pregnant it goes up. What I am getting at is just because mine was a normal level, for me it was high.

Honestly I have no idea what time is was. Probably around noon when I got home and told Benji that we were heading to the hospital asap. And that I most likely had pre-eclampsia. Which I was not expecting at all. I was waiting on confirmation from my Dr. that the labs indicated preeclampsia. I had time to take a shower, call some family and friends. Then off to the OR we went.

Now this was my 3rd C-section so I was not as nervous about that. Just that my body was apparently giving up and kicking Hadley out. I Was definitely not prepared for what was about to happen.

I had a GREAT experience with Jesse. the Anesthesiologist and his crew were amazing. I had my doctor of choice doing the section.

With Hadley I immediately felt uneasy about the spinal and the fact that my Dr. wasn't on call and I had to have one I had never even met.

With all 3 of my sections the Anesthesiologist have told me "you're going to feel like you cant breathe, but if you can talk, you can breathe."

Well, ya know what happened next. Everything was going great. Normal routine, Hadley was out, Benji got to see her. I got to see her.

Then I could not breathe. NO REALLY. COULDN'T TALK, COULD NOT BREATHE. NOTHING. I was gasping for air and trying to get the attention of anyone.

Next thing I knew I heard someone say "we have to put you under, Benji, please step out, " and that was it. I was put to sleep for 45 minutes and intubated because my spinal ended up turning into a total spinal. you can google it if you need. But basically once the baby was out I lost enough fluid and blood, weight, to throw off the balance of how much spinal I had and how much my body could handle.

I kept thinking "this must be how Michael Jackson felt" haha.

Once I woke up I still had not realized what happened. Everything was a blur and my memory is a little hazy. They moved me to a baby and mother room, I thought everything was fine.

Then the Dr. that did my section came in and told me that I had lost a lot of blood. ummm I was at a 4 BC. normal is like 12....sooooo needless to say they were going to have to give me a blood transfusion. Two bags of blood later I still felt horrible. My kidneys were not functioning because of the loss of fluid and blood so I wasn't allowed anti inflammatory pain meds, so my pain was through the roof.

I actually ate nothing the entire time I was in the hospital. The day they discharged me I was still nauseous and barely able to stand, not from the pain but from the loss of blood.

Basically this was the worst birth experience of all 3. Emery's was scary because she was sick, Jesse's was great and Hadley's was horrible because I almost died. THREE IS ENOUGH FOR THIS CROWD. I am perfectly content with the 3 babies my body has grown and carried. I am so thankful that they are healthy and that I am here to watch them grow.

My PPD was about the same this time. I still struggle with it daily. Actually this 6 month mark has been the most difficult, but I think that may have to do with Benji being gone so much this summer and Emery starting kindergarten.

I am hopeful that as soon as my hormone levels settle, I can start exercising regularly, that I will be able to look back on my season of PPD and find some way to help other mother's who have the same issue.

So if any of you out there have dealt with PPD. LET ME KNOW! Im an expert....haha. I have good days and bad days. The stereotypes and "stories" you hear are not necessarily how it all plays out. I am here for anyone dealing with feelings that they don't wish to have nor that they can control.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and you can not pray your way out of PPD. I am a Christian, a very firm one. I believe in the power of prayer in all things and I do believe it can help, but PPD is a hormonal problem. You need to talk with your OBGYN if you feel like you may be struggling with it. I will post more on my journey through PPD and OCD. combined= a hot mess! But I have Dr's who love me and want me to be the best mother I can, so I braved the judgment of others and got medical help. Which most definitely saved my life.

LIFE CHANGING!

HOW TO KEEP GUACAMOLE GREEN!!!!! OMG!!!! Please tell me I am not the only one who did not know this secret!?

Assessment= Judgment

Let's all be real here. Emery had her kindergarten "assessment" today. Which is really where they "judge" where they are in their math, coordination and whatever else skills. Which is fine, I totally understand they need a base line to start at with each kid.

Jesse has strep.

Benji has VBS in a town about an hour away this week.

To say that I have been a little off my rocker would be an understatement.

I'm going through the kindergarten parent depression, the end of summer depression and the my baby is eating solid foods and is almost 7 months depression. Plus my usual dose of crazy. This weeks been fun.

I swear if I can just make it past Wednesday, when Emery starts school, I will be okay. She is ready. I am ready, really I am. (that's basically why I had Hadley. So I could send Emery off to school. :).

As much as I love down time, vacation, Saturdays. I do run better on a structured environment. I need order in my life. I need schedule, Lunch time, nap time, bed time. etc.

I've started really, REALLY getting anxious about losing baby weight. My knees are hurting, my back, my yada yada yada...whatever can hurt it does. I feel like the old man in UP when he gets out of bed and has to crack everything to get going.

Once Emery is in school and Jesse is in MMO twice a week I will be hitting up the good ol' YMCA again.

I did SO good after we first moved here and Emery was a baby. I worked out regularly and lost about 40lbs before Jesse was born. Then I gained about 30 with him and about 15 with Hadley. Soooo I'm basically back at where I started AFTER I had Emery.

Imma be honest y'all. This year has taken a toll on me. I look in the mirror, I don't know who I am I hear myself talking, I don't know who I am.....Mid life crisis definitely in effect here.

Well, that's it for now I guess. I know that Jesse needs to get in the bed and the dishes that have been in the sink for 2 days are not doing themselves.

Obsessed.

HELOOOOOO KING GEORGE!!!! I am so obsessed with this couple. Seriously, she could not be more beautiful and perfect and well, he IS Prince William. I was so excited when baby boy was born. 

Also obsessed with The Hunger Games. I know, I'm like 3 years behind but I just started and don't think I will stop until I'm done with all 3. 

Obsessed with juicing! Suja juice (check out their website) is my juice of choice. I feel like it's really making a difference in my over all energy. I actually have two juicers somewhere, probably in my mom's storage unit....but ain't nobody got time to juice 7 carrots and lbs of kale when I have 3 kids. So for now I am buying mine at Whole Foods. 

Benji is back packing in West Virginia this week. Whatever. 

We decided, since we just got back from the beach, that now would be a good time to switch Jesse to a toddler bed. So far so good. 

 I want to paint our bedroom. It's blah to me.....  

We had an amazing, wonderful, way too short time at the beach and I soaked up every moment. I slept late, took naps, and played in the sand with my kids. Such a much needed retreat for our crazy, busy family. 

Emery turned 5 while we were at the beach. She starts kindergarten in about two weeks. I'm OBSESSED about this as well. I can not believe it. She was 2 weeks old when Benji started working at BCBC. Now she is FIVE!!!!!!! 

Jesse also starts MMO this year. my sweet baby boy will be in school at the church twice a week. He will have Miss. Kim and Miss Nancy. (Who Emery started pre K with). I swear. They are the BEST 2yr old teachers on the planet. I can't wait until he gets to spend time with both of them. 

Hadley has cut 2 teeth in the past week. I am OBSESSED with this baby! I love her so much and am so thankful every day that we decided to have a 3rd. I'll be honest, I was scared. And I still have days (like yesterday) that I wonder "what was I thinking?" but then I also have days that I truly wish we could have JUST ONE MORE. But I am convinced that the LORD has led us to stop at 3. We have not given up on the idea of adoption, but my body is finished producing off spring. 

I am also currently obsessed with reading again. I got to read a few books on vacation and like any OCD patient I am currently in the middle of like 5 books! ha. I did get to finish one entire book on vacation. I am now reading The Hunger Games which I am so hooked on.

I am obsessed with LOSING THIS DAG GUM BABY WEIGHT. Seriously I am sooo so sos so so over it. Once Emery starts school I will get things rolling with either a gym nearby or our YMCA. I need to lose at least 50lbs. Maybe even 80. I just want to feel good about myself again and it has been along 5 years having one baby after another and moving 3,4 however many times. I need a routine and I am hoping that this fall brings one. 

Well, Benji and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary this month. I seriously can not believe it has been that long. We have been through so much. I love him more today than the day we married, so that's good! We spent a blissful weekend in Buckhead at the W Buckhead Hotel. Ahmazing. Hotel. We had a blast. 

I am heading to sleepy time. all 3 kidddos are tucked into bed and Benji is somewhere sleeping on the dirt ground. Ha! I am climbing into our down comforter bed. NIGHTY NIGHTY!

My Summer Reading List: Great Expectations!

Okay. tonight I am way scattered. Benji just got home from Serbia yesterday, so it has been a whirlwind of emotion and exhaustion and excitement and did I say exhaustion!?



Today we just slept in. Yes, even the kids. Hadley had her 4/5 month well check visit yesterday and got a ton o' shots. so she has felt pretty rotten.

We ate lunch all together as a family. Which I have to say is RARE now that there are 3. We will get used to it, I know. Emery is usually great, Hadley is obviously great. Jesse not so much. BUT he is two and he is a boy. I know that in a few years he will eat just as well as Emery does. Then we will be dealing with Hadley as a 2 year old. :)

Seriously. I am so, SO thankful to have a 3rd child. I know that does not sound like a lot to many people but she is such a blessing.

Any way. I am in therapy. (I swear I will share that story) but anyway. Something we've talked about is trying to find time for me to do things I enjoy.

Well believe it or not I enjoy reading. This summer I have found a few books, from various lists and friends that I think make up a perfect summer reading list.

I Have a kindle, so if it can be downloaded, it is.

I can not BELIEVE summer is almost over. I swear Emery was just born yesterday and now in a few weeks she will start Kindergarten. WAAAHHHHHHH. :(


Okay. So I'm back. Few days later. Here is my list. Most I've read, partially read, or really want to read. I read in binges. ha. Like the OCD I am. I wont read for months then one day i pick of 4 books and read them all that week. It's random, it's eclectic, its totally ME! ha

(I was going to link the books to Amazon but it's late and I have faith that you all know how to find books on Amazon).

1. The Great Gatsby- FSF.  DUHHHHH. Most of us read it in high school, but PUHLEEZE see the movie and the read it again. Magic

2. Love Does- Bob Goff shares stories of his life, faith and love. "Discovering A Secretly Incredible Life In An Ordinary World." This guy is super smart, and Christian. I haven't started this one yet, but it's been recommend by many. If you like Donal Miller, this dudes for you.

3. Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals- Ian Osborn, M.D. "The Hidden Epidemic of OC-D. " reading up on my recent diagnosis.

4. Paris My Sweet- Karen Wheeler. I've been reading this one for awhile. I would pick it up and get really into it, then switch to another. Then I had Hadley...anyway I plan on finishing it this week. Great memoir of this women's move to Paris and her love affair with all things sweet.

5. The Paris Wife - Paula McLain. Inspired story of the first years of Hemingway's first marriage. To Hadley Richardson Hemingway. WELLLLLL. I named my daughter after Hadley. So I think that's enough said about this book. LOVE!

6. Melissa: A Father's Lessons from a Daughter's Suicide. - Frank Page. I could not put this book down. incredibly tragic, yet full of hope for those of us who suffer from depression. If you have a family member, friend, child, parent who has committed suicide, or if you have ever considered it. Read this book. Also I think all pastors should read this to better help them understand depression, drug use, and suicide.

7. Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn. I was introduced to this author back in my Starbucks barista days. When conversations flowed and coffee did too. This is a great beach read, good mystery.

8. Les Miserables- Victor Hugo. Do I really have to tell you WHY?

9. So Long, Insecurity- Beth Moore. I read this one awhile ago. It was wonderful. It's like she sees into the minds of women everywhere. WE ALL have insecurities and we all need Jesus.

10. Loving The Little Years- Rachel Jankovic. So if you want a hand slap or a butt whooping on raising toddlers, this one is for you. I LOVED this book. She also has a way of looking into our houses where little ones reside and giving my poor attitude a swift kick.


HAPPY READING!!!! SOAK UP THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF A RAINY SUMMER!

Day 3

July, 4th is really one of my favorite holidays.

This year I barely noticed it. I has been POURING, like monsoon rain all week. Benji finally made it through, Munich, Paris and safely landed in Serbia. They will be there for the next week running around like crazy with our dear friends the Hepners.

 This is Caroline. She has been my saving grace during Benji's time away.  She comes over once or twice a week, while I'm here to let me run errands, nap. do laundry, etc. My therapist, (different post for a different time) suggested that I get her to come once a week over the summer. GREAT IDEA.

And,.... Honestly I can remember if I posted about our beach trip to Student Life camp this year. If I did I'm sorry. But I took Emery this time for the first year by herself. I knew going in that my intentions were to minister to my oldest daughter. We had a blast. We ended up being there the week of my 35 birthday. 

We haven't celebrated yet. In a few week we are headed to ATL to spend the weekend, alone, together!  I can not wait until Benji and the crew arrive safely home from Serbia. And we can spend a few weeks together before School starts. 

I Hate Paris Anyway

NO REALLY, I don't. But Benji should be making his way now from Munich to Paris and then on to Serbia. 9 days and counting.

Emery cried tonight when I put her to bed because Benji always puts her to bed first, then I go in and say my prayers with them. They get a double dose of the Holy Spirit round here.

Anyway, I have two, three, request. Please pray for the safety of Benji and the group of graduated seniors/chaperons he has traveling with him. Pray for their travels and that they will see seeds planted among the people of Serbia.

Please pray that I make it through the next 9 days. YOU ALL KNOW I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a almost 5 month old. Today it basically poured rain all day. Which makes for a wild bunch running around like banshees.

I have tried to plan as much as possible for things that we can do "out of the house". I have also planned as much as possible for every meal for 10 days.

Today was a pretty good day. I had a babysitter come and help out for a few hours. Which really takes the edge off of the 4-8pm "Witching Hours" as I call them.

I really am glad for Benji to get to experience all the dreams I had of traveling......it's like he got my dream life. Whatever.

Love to you all, and PRAY for my sanity.

How To Look Expensive for Cheap!

Fun article! and actually most things I already implement. Finger nail polish is worth everything! and costume jewelry, buy that big ol $20 fake diamond. Fashion is fun and should make you feel less stressed, not more. 

Summer

Tis summer y'all we are in survival mode. Benji is super bizzy. And we are going from zero to sixty every couple of days.

I will be here when I can. I have so, so much to say. I just have 5 thousand lbs of laundry that call to me instead of blogging.

Jay Gatsby

I can't get over it y'all. the movie was so beautiful. and perfect. and the music, perfect. the colors, perfect, wardrobe. LEO IS GATSBY.

Any way. I am so obsessed with the 20's. With FSF, Hemingway, all the ex pats that lived in Paris during that time.....ANDDDDD!!!! and Dowton Abbey...I just can not contain myself.

We are doing great. Benji is finally done with the subbing for the Greenville Co. school system special needs transportation (for the year). All the graduation ceremonies and parties are over and we are so, so thankful for this weekend of rest at home. Which we will NEED once his summer schedule gets going.

Hadley is getting bigger by the day, as well as Jesse and Emery. I signed Emery up for KINDERGARTEN!!!!!! AAHHHHHH.  i really am excited for her, only a little sad and a little nervous. but i know she will love it and thrive.

I have been frantically trying to find things for us to do every day during the summer. So far I have every day booked but Tuesday, so that will be our "chill" day. play outside in water, watch movies, color, shop :)......I have LOVED having a 3rd baby. I do not regret it at all. we have had some hairy moments. but i am so in love with Hadley. I can imagine our life without 3 kids. God is so good to us. Even though I worried through the entire pregnancy he heard my prayers and gave us a healthy baby. What more could I ask for?

We start our summer schedule Monday. Benji is supa busy in the summers. So I try and plan things for us to do every day.

I swear I am posting Hadley's birth story soon. Just got to get some time to remember the order of things. Happy summer all!

My Mama's Chicken Pot Pie

Okay. This is HER recipe. I will make the notes on how I change it at the bottom, but I will post the original first.

Filling 
1 Chicken, cooked and cubed
1 can of cream of chicken soup (the big can)
3 cups of chicken broth
1 16 oz can of veg all, drained

Crust 
3/4 cup butter, melted
1 1/2 cup milk
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 cup self rising flower

*she always, always doubled the crust recipe. I do too. But I'm terrible at math so you can figure that out  yourself.

Preheat oven to 450. Combine chicken, soup, broth and veg all. Pour into 9 x12 casserole dish. in a separate bowl mix all the Crust ingredients Pour crust mixture over filling mixture. DO NOT STIR. Bake for 45 mins or until crust is brown.

*I use usually two rotisserie chickens instead of preparing my own. and just frozen peas and carrots instead of veg all.  I always double the crust recipe b/c of left overs. Mine is usually done before 45 minutes so check it. Amen. 

I'm Normal, I Swear

Obviously that last post was serious. But I wanted to clear up some things. First off, I don't go around like thinking about "that" stuff all the time. I'm too busy too. Benji and I go on dates, like for Sushi!!!! YUMMMM! and we may talk about stuff then, since we are alone, but for me it is not a daily issue. It just rears it's ugly head every once in awhile. Unfortunately it's usually about 12 weeks after one of my babies is born. But I swear I have done the best ever with Hadley. 

We went to a wedding last weekend and it got me thinking about TWELVE years ago when Benji and I were going down that path. 

Evidently, Bridal portraits are a southern thing. (who knew?) This is my favorite picture from that day. 12 years ago. I was turning 23 that day, This field was BEAUTIFUL.

Anyway going to our cousins wedding got me thinking about things I may have done differently at my own wedding. I swear I want to renew our vows one day. On the beach, with our 3 kids with us. it's a dream of mine.

 Here is a picture we took at like one a.m. haha. we were staying at Benji's parents house and were "trying" to sleep in a king size bed with the two older kids...

It didn't work and Emery and I ended up in a separate bed. I would seriously frame this photo if Hadley was in it AND if my chin wasn't like triple.....ugh. But besides me, I think it is adorable.

 Hadley and I spend alot of time together, one the couch. I hold her more than any of the other babies. I KNOW this is my last chance. She is awesome. SUCH a good decision to have a 3rd. I really feel like she has saved me from myself and has made our family complete. I can now relax and start getting my life back together, mentally, physically and emotionally.

 Mother's Day was awesome. I was treated so well. I got to nap and NOT cook all day. Tulips and an Eiffel Charm for my Pandora bracelet were the perfect gifts....I do not deserve my family, but I will gladly take them and enjoy them for as long as the LORD allows.

 My ADORABLE cards that Emery, Jesse and Hadley made for me on Mother's Day at church. I will treasure them forever.

This Is Me

So I've really been wanting blog Hadley's birth story, but honestly it is so long that when I sit down to type it I get tired just thinking about it. I will one day I promise.

Today, today is all about me. :) most of you know from past entries that I struggled with PPD with my first two babies. Thankfully, by the time I was pregnant with Hadley I was seeing a woman who had my chemical imbalance under control. I made it through the pregnancy and post partum with little to no issues. Since this most likely our last baby I feel such a weight lifted off my shoulders. Mentally and physically. There are so many ups and downs during child bearing years and I am not ashamed to say that I am happy they are over.

(adoption is still an open window, just not in the next 5 years) anyway. I feel like now is the time that I can finally work on getting myself back together, physically, mentally, and emotionally. PPD was just the breaking point for me. I have dealt with OCD my ENTIRE life and am just now working through some of those issues with a therapist that I happen to LOVE. I seriously want to be her best friend. Ha!

Anyway. So with all that I have been thinking about lately and for the sake of my family, I wont share every detail of my "issues" but I will tell you that OCD people are usually the most moral, perfection driven, self aware, hyper sensitive beings. On the outside the are the ones excelling and seemingly have a picture perfect life. On the inside however, we are tormented with guilt, stupid superstitions, constant negative talk about our selves. NOTHING I ever do is good enough for ME. I hold myself to a standard that can not be met.

Intellectually I have known this for awhile, it is just nice to finally have someone (therapist) to talk me through my never ending thoughts. I'm serious. My brain never, ever, ever, stops. It is exhausting.

Oh and I forgot to mention that my OCD has been present since childhood. PPD just magnified it because of the crazy raging hormones, the out of control feeling of having a new baby, the sleepless nights, the loneliness, the never being able to get everything done, etc. Combined they make a nice tornado of tormenting guilt ridden thoughts of never being good enough. Plus throw in being a Pastor's wife, who is already held to a higher standard. =all this equals a girl who needs some good ol quality counseling.

I share all this not to embarrass family, or to beg for sympathy. I have a GREAT life. One of the BEST marriages ever, (seriously I believe that with all my heart) and such wonderful children. We also have an amazing church we serve at that is our DREAM come true. I also have friends who share alot of the same struggles.

I wanted to share this because I know, I KNOW that there are so many of you out there just like me who silently have struggled for 4,5, 6 years since your first baby was born. I just want to offer some hope that is DOES get better. and that there is medication, therapy and people just like you who will listen. I am doing this for my children, for my husband, for my ministry and for myself. I want to be the most healthy mom I can and this is cheaper and healthier than a dozen Krispy Kremes a day. :)

The Weekend Is Near

Life gets busier and busier doesn't it? I know my life is no different than anyone else's with multiple young children. Mom's who stay at home staring at the same walls day in and day out....panicking at the thought of even taking 3 to the grocery store alone. I mean where would the groceries go anyway??? Emery is definitely not old enough to walk around Walmart. Just the other day I was in there alone and a child was lost. Scary moment!

But I ain't gonna lie. We are T.I.R.E.D. Benji is working two jobs. Driving a special needs bus for Greenville co. Schools from 430-9am, then working his regular office hours, AND his never ending on call duties as mentor, discipler, counselor, hospital minister, mission trip leader, Sunday school teacher, best youth pastor ever, etc. WE LOVE OUR CHURCH AND HE LOVES HIS JOB, AND I LOVE HIS JOB. We just have a newborn and a 4 yr old and 2yr old and we are exhausted.

It is safe to say that we do not see much of each other. I am home most of the days still. The flu is STILL going around this area and I will not, NOT have another baby put in the hospital this young. (remember Jesse was in the hospital around this age)....But we have finally started back to Sunday mornings and I am so excited about that break and that time to worship with my church family.

I still am so thankful and so amazed at God's sovereign plan to bring us back to Brushy Creek. I have found the BEST friends I could ever imagine. I love what little I can do with the high school youth, (my kids just are my priority right now so i miss out on a ton. it really tears me inside because I want to be able to do both so bad)......

Any way. My 35th birthday is coming up in about a month and I am really having a hard time with this number! I do remember 30 being a difficult year for me as well, but I was Graduating seminary, about to have a baby...I had a lot of things to look forward to. I have been trying to focus on the positives about my 35 years of life. I have done most of everything I dreamed of doing. I've traveled, I've been educated, I've had THREEEEEEE kids! (i never thought i would have 3 in a million years). I have a strong, still funny and exciting marriage.

I just am feeling a sense of panic or unrest about the fact that realistically my life is half over. Another 35 years and I will be 70! I can still remember being about 12 or 13 and just wishing I was 18 so bad! haha. Then I can remember being 18, like it was yesterday. In a lot of ways I am still that same girl. Thankfully I am more secure and know that I deserve WAY more than I thought of myself at 18. But sometimes, driving alone, I feel that 18 year old bubbling up inside. That Kristi, she was so excited about the future, about GOD, about LIFE in general. I can honestly say that I have exceeded my own 18 year old expectations. I give all that glory to the GRACE OF GOD. Some days I want to stab my eyeballs out, (I'm just being honest here) but somedays I am so overcome with thankfulness and gladness that I feel my heart might burst. Our God is Faithful, friends. Don't give up. Don't grow weary.

YES we are exhausted! but we are exactly where we want and need to be. God's grace is sufficient.

What Day Is It?

I understand now what happened to all my friend's bloggos when they had more than 2 kids! Ha. We are LOVING Hadley, of course. I have just now started to get out of the house. Went back to church last week, got my hair done this weekend, Hadley spent her first weekend away, etc. There is not much to report because all I ever do is stay here. I change two in diapers, feed 3, 3 times a day (more for Hadley still) sometimes I forget about feeding myself. Oh and I have to feed Vance too. :) 

I went to my first GNO since baby#3 was born. Celebrating one of my best friends 40th birthday. 

I've been thinking about turning 35 alot lately. It is my next birthday and I seriously can not believe I am that old. 

When I look back on my life I am satisfied with all I have done so far, but I can not help but feel a sense of panic. Turning 35 is halfway to the grave. Realistically it is middle age. There are still so many thing I want to do and places I want to go. I want to go SSOOOO many more places. 

I feel like these days the only place I go is Walmart. Seriously. 

Anyway Hadley is a doll. Emery has been acting out a little. Drawing on walls, homemade slip in slide, using the word "freakin" you know normal 4 year old stuff. 

Jesse is Jesse. :) 

Today I cleaned like a mad woman and of course went to Walmart. That's about it. 

Days are flying by and I'm not sure if I like it or not. 

Hello Spring!

Easter weekend was such a fun and exhausting holiday! All five of us headed to church for the first time since Hadley was born (obviously Benji has been going and most of the time Emery, but I've been home with Hadley and Jesse). We made it all on time and all dressed, BUT we had to get up at 7am to get it all done. Ha! It felt so great to be back at church and see all my church family. I was ready for a break though as soon as I got there, haha i felt like I had run a marathon getting all 3 kids to their classes.

After church we head to Georgia to see our families. The past few Easters they have come to see us in SC, so this year we headed home. The kids had a blast with all their cousins and we got to spend time with both sets of family. LOTS of good food and sweet fun.

Hadley has fit right into our family, just like she's always been here. I am enjoying her so much. I've had a few hairy moments, days, this week. Emery's been on spring break and the weather, you all know, has been cray cray.

We are all looking forward to warmer weather and spending hours outside in the sunshine.

These Four Walls

First off let me start by saying, the 3rd baby....by far the easiest one yet. I'm not sure if it's luck or just how it is with all 3rd children. Hadley is doing awesome. I LOVE having a baby to cuddle. It has also made me appreciate special time I get alone with Emery and Jesse. All 3 are so unique and are so special in their own way to me. 

Today Emery and I went shopping together. I see alot of money and alot of time being spent between the 2 of us shopping together. Girlfriend loves shopping!

Things have been great here. Though I am getting soooo tired of being stuck in the house. I've decided Easter Sunday is our "coming out" party. I just can not sit in this house any longer staring at the same walls.

I have gotten some things done around here that I normally wouldn't have time for, but I am ready for a schedule and a life again. We all love having a new baby in the house! Yay for Hadley Carrie Ladd!

I'm Late, But I Can Not Stop

I know, I know, I know. The end of season 3 has not escaped my snooping ears. So I've heard what is coming....BUT I Just finished season 2 and I am so obsessed with this show. The best series since the first 2 seasons of Grey's Anatomy. And that is saying a lot coming from me. I am hoooooked. and I don't really have time to be hooked on any T.V show.

Hadley Carrie Ladd: Official Debut

       I can not even stand the cuteness. I have the BEST friends ever, with so much talent. If you're on Facebook go and Like Elizabeth Allison Photography. Especially if you live in our area, I promise she is the best around. She does amazing family and child portraits/senior pictures, etc. Thank you LIZ!!!

She's Here!

Hadley came a little early. Bless her, she new her mama was ready! She is beautiful and perfect and I am just trying to soak up every second. God has been so gracious to us. 

9 Days! Brain in Overdrive

Thankfully I have amazing friends and family and they have all set me up with the last minute things I need for Hadley. My GNO girls gave me a super fun diaper shower and I got a ton of wipes and diapers. SOOOO thankful for them and the love that we all have for each other. I seriously prayed for decades for a group of friends like this one. most of them have 3 kids too, So we can all be crazy together. :)

 This weekend we headed to Gainesville to celebrate Asher's FOURTH birthday party. For real y'all, my sister throws the best parties. This year it was a circus theme. SO FUN. Emery and Jesse had a blast and I enjoyed all the circus food a little too much.

Jesse has his 2nd birthday coming up on the 23rd. I have GOT to get prepared for that before Hadley comes and I've also got to get Emery's valentines ready for her class, since I will be in the hospital still on Valentines day. I really am so excited about having another squishy baby in the house. The only anxiety I really have is that she comes out healthy, no issues and gets to come home with us on time.

I constantly feel so undeserving off all the good things I have in my life. I can't believe God is allowing us to raise yet another one of his children. On top of all that I get to parent with the BEST husband on the planet. I seriously mean that. I try not to over emphasis all he does all the time because I realize not everyone has that. But he does more than I ever deserve. I'm trying to rest and relax these next nine days before major surgery and a new baby!