Who's Da Buddha?

Having babies has destroyed my body. More so with numero 2... I can not explain the devastation it causes to have no control over your physical appearance. I gained WAY less this time with Jesse than I did with Emery.

And Yet....It is way harder this time around to lose the left over baby weight. It would be different I think If I had always had weight issues, but I haven't. I struggled with vanity weight, weight that I wanted to lose but didn't need too.

Now I need to lose this weight and let me tell you it is hard to concentrate on healthy eating when you've been up every three hours during the night.

I'm barely staying above water here and the fact that I look like a deflated whale ain't helping.

Of course the babies are worth it. Most of the damage is genetic, meaning some women bounce back from pregnancy better than others. C-sections also add a whole different level to destruction.

I am one of the lucky girls who's genetic make up includes skin that does not bounce back.....

I'm learning to deal. It's just going to take some time.

Imagine The Impossible

Look up impossible in the dictionary and you will find this picture.

Benji eating, loving, craving, not sharing sushi.

The Lord is good to me! Dreams do come true! 10 years of marriage has led to this moment.

I thank Irashiai in all it's awesomeness, and maybe the stars that were properly aligned the first night he took a chance and ordered 2 rolls.

He never looked back and now we eat here AT LEAST 2 times a month.

My Disconnect

Thursday night our power went out around 6pm and didn't come back on until after 1am.

It was so nice!

We put Emery to bed around 9, Benji fell asleep soon after that! ha! I stayed up a little longer and read on my Kindle since it had a light attached. We had the windows and doors opened since the air was off, it was so quiet and the rain sounded so nice. It made me wonder why we keep the T.V. on all the time? I know it's out of habit but I think we may start intentionally turning it off every once in awhile to listen to the quiet.

I've been "off" facebook for a few days now and I have to say I do feel less stress. I've had time to decompress from all the craziness of the past month.

This weekend Emery needed a break so we sent her to Grammy's. We are spending the weekend with our boy! Jesse is precious and it has been nice to spend some one on one time with him, first time really since he was born.

Tonight we are grilling steaks and are going to enjoy being husband and wife instead of mommy, daddy, pastor, pastor's wife, friend, son, daughter, sister...whatever else has taken precedence over our relationship with each other these past few months.

Sometimes when Benji and I finally sit down together for some alone time I tell him, "I've missed you!" haha. It always makes me laugh but it is TRUE! These days with little ones can cause husband and wife to work together, live together without ever "seeing" each other.

Kids WILL NOT make a bad marriage good! Kids only intensify issues. So make sure you have a strong relationship to begin with BEFORE you have kids. They will not fix anything!

One thing I think we did right (I'm not saying it's right for everyone okay!) was that we waited 8 years to have kids. I treasure those years I had just with my husband and I think it really helped us solidify our relationship first before we jumped into raising other humans. We did have the benefit of time, we were young when we married, I look back on our years together and thank God for them.

The Deal

Here's the deal. I'm exhausted. Benji's exhausted. The kids are exhausted. Well maybe not Jesse, but who knows? I think babies feel the stress from their environment.

I'm trying to be all things to all people everywhere at every hour no matter what the cost and frankly it aint working anymore.

I've got to get my head cleared. Facebook is awesome. I love being able to communicate with other moms, my old friends from home, my family I never get to see. I love sharing pictures with friends. I feel like I spend too much time complaining on facebook about all the laundry when I could be doing the laundry if I wasn't complaining about it!

Most of the time I access facebook it is from my phone now with the smart phones. But I realized that I'm checking facebook at red lights, in the grocery, etc. I feel like this adds more scatteredness to my day than I first realized.

It's overwhelming me again and I need a breakio. So I'm going to try my best to stay off facebook for awhile. I'll get back on eventually because I think it is a great tool for our times.

I'll still be posting here and you can email me, text or call.

Hopefully I can get my home in order and calm my nerves. Maybe I'll even read a book or two.

The Elephant On My Back

This week I am wishing that our seminary had offered more classes on how to handle difficult people.

I don't usually post here about my MOST personal issues, because, well it is the Internet. I also don't post much about the very big part of my life that is my role of a pastor's wife.

I'm slowly learning that this is a lonely place to be at times. WE love our church and are so blessed to be where we are, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was extremely hard at times.

Benji can never leave his work at work. He is a pastor 24/7 and the weight of that spills over on to me and to our children.

If you are a member of a church pray for your pastor's wives. Encourage them, Love them, they are called to serve the Lord but they are not perfect in any way and don't claim to be. Remember that whatever criticism you bring to the pastor he carries it home to his family. Whatever encouragement you give him, well that spills over too. Encouragement comes in many forms and you will never know how much a few words can effect an entire house hold of people, even if you only say it to one.

My Family

It's been a whirlwind few months! A whole lot of ups and downs and in betweens. I feel like I'm finally getting a grasp on life again. I feel recovered from my c- section/aka major surgery and recovered from the exhaustion of 9 months of pregnancy. Emery is back on schedule and has settled into her new role as big sister.

Jesse is the best baby ever! I told Benji if I had been 21 when I had him I probably would have had 10 more!! haha!

I'm just so overwhelmed with joy about where my life is right now. I deserve none of these blessings, yet I will gladly take them!

I Have No Words

Baby Dedication

This Sunday we finally had our babyezzz dedicated. We had to do both Emery and Jesse because for a few different reasons we never got around to dedicating Emery when she was a baby.

I was stressed out about having to get up in front of all those people! I was worried that Emery might freak out but she did great! I'm glad we did it, it's like that saying "the shoe cobbler's kids have no shoes." haha that's how I felt about our kids not being dedicated in the church.

It's not baptism (for those of you who aren't baptist and are wondering what I'm talking about) it's more of a commitment from the parents saying that we will raise our children in the church and teach them The Word. Whether or not they choose to follow Christ is up to them, we pray that they will make that choice but we can not make it for them.

Emery and Jesse were both presented with their own copy of The Jesus Story Book Bible. This is an awesome bible for little kids. We had a copy already and and Emery asks to read out of it every night.

After church our families came over for lunch, Emery and Asher played hard outside then we all went our separate ways for nap time. Great day for our family. I am so blessed with my two kids. I love them more than I ever imagined I could love someone. God is so good and so gracious.

Family Day O' Fun

Did I mention the day we did our family 5k was the same day we went to Carowinds for the afternoon?

Yes. We go big or go home around here. I can sit in the house with the kids for days at a time, but when I decide to plan some fun it all falls on the same day!

Benji got free tickets to Carowinds (think Six Flags) through the SBC for youth ministers day so we loaded up the car and headed out for the day.

Emery loooves riding those kiddy rides so we just let her go for it all afternoon.

Jesse was perfectly content riding along in his stroller. :)

Operation Get Myself Together 1,2,3.

I'm slowly, SLOWLY getting myself together after having baby numero 2.

All yall who haven't grown a kid in your abdomen, it sucks the life out of you! It's amazing and wonderful and hopefully I'll do it again, but it ain't easy and it takes alot out of you physically, mentally and spiritually.

They say it takes a year to grow one and a year to recover.

Step 1. of my recovery process was to go from drab to fab again. (brunette to blonde). I've been blonde most my life but for the past year I went darker. It was easier and cheaper and I enjoyed it for a bit but after having Jesse I felt like it was depressing me. So I spent WAAAY too much money and WAAAY too much time but I came out blonde again and I love it.

Step 2. of the process was to get back into exercising after a long long break. When I found out I was pregnant I canceled my Y membership and used the money to enroll Emery in our churches MMO program. Best decision I ever made. But now I've got to get back into being healthy. I need to lose about 50lbs, half of which was left over from Emery. This weekend we did our first family 5k. I have to say it was a blast! It's such a fun environment to be outside with all those people and to push yourself physically.

Step 3. was to make it back to church and to teach my small group again. My first Sunday back was Easter and today I started leading my small group again. I love my girls and most of them are graduating seniors so I don't have alot of time left with them. It was so nice to be back with them and actually talking about something other than baby poop and feeding schedules.

So I'm feeling pretty great, accomplishing 1,2 and 3 on my list!

Step 4. Will be to start eating a healthier diet, consistantly. I know what to do to lose weight, it aint rocket science. I just have to do it.

Step 5. Will be working on getting Jesse to sleep thru the night. We've had a few set backs with his hospital stay and ear infections. To be honest he's doing pretty well for his age but I know that a good sleep schedule is best for him and for the entire family.

May Day

I'm a few weeks late with this one but I wanted to share a few more pictures of May Day at Brenau.

Brenau was the FIRST college I went too. Ha! I graduated from North Greenville College in S.C. but I started out at Brenau Women's College in my hometown.

The couple years I spent at Brenau were by far the best years of my college life.

While at NGC I definitely learned more academically (only because I was married and wasn't so "social" haha), at Brenau I made life long friendships that could never be replaced.

I was a ZTA at Brenau and this year our chapter celebrated it's 100 years on Brenau's campus.

I went back for the annual May Day celebrations this year and it was so fun!

I got to see all my dearest friends, most of whom I've kept in touch with/ and talk with on a regular basis. BUT it was sooo good to see them in person!




Emery and my sister's son Asher sitting on the fountain. It's tradition that every girl who gets engaged gets thrown in this fountain. :)
All my friend's kids! sooo fun to see them all together! Asher was the lone boy and I think he was trying to escape. ha!


All the ZTA's that were initiated in the 90's or graduated in the 90's...I can not seriously believe it has been that long! I was initiated in 1996!!! crazy!!!

Finally, Tracy, Lucy, Emery and I. Tracy was my BEESSST friend in college. I love love love this girl! We had plans to stay together forever and live in a different state each year until we found men to marry! haha! Unfortunately for our plans, I found Benji and snatched him up fast and was married the year she graduated from Brenau. I had never met her little girl Lucy, (she is a year younger than Emery exactly)...so it was so good to meet her!

Our Little Friend

On our getaway this weekend we stayed in a house in the woods up in Tennessee.

And this guy showed up around dusk right under our porch! He was a baby we think but still a good 200+ lbs.

Definitley a first for me and even for my hunter husband Benji.

The Past Week

First I want to clear up some things from my last post. I know I ask for it when I put myself out there like I do, but I think some took it the wrong way. (Most took it how I intended) I did not mean to come across as one who doesn't trust God with my kids. I don't believe that having these thoughts or worries are wrong. It is what you DO WITH thoughts that prove whether or not you are trusting God.

Motherhood is a tricky thing. Everything in me wants to keep my babies home and never leave the house with them! But I don't do that. I DO take them to Wal-mart and I DO let them play with other children and play on playgrounds and go to Church nursery.

Heck, I let my 6 week old spend the weekend with his grandparents. Both kids! Emery did it at that age and I did it with Jesse.

Just because I have thoughts about the germs at Wal-mart doesn't mean I'm not trusting the Lord with them. If I wasn't trusting I wouldn't take them!

Okay enough justifying. I wish I didn't even feel like I have to but whatevs...



How fabulous was this wedding! I am obsessed a little with this girl. Who cares about William!

She is beautiful and graceful and down to earth and HOME GIRL did her own make up for her wedding to a prince! Now that is my kinda girl. I did my own make up too at my wedding so I think we would be total friends.:)




I still haven't deleted the wedding off of my DVR and I wish I could save it forever so that Emery could watch it when she was old enough to appreciate it.

She asked if Prince William was in the marching band! ha!

Finding Balance

I'm gonna be honest. (like I'm not all the time ha!).... It's hard for me to find my balance these days.

BUT I look back on my life and I realize that this is MY weakness.

C.S. Lewis said, "the worst sin's of men are internal"...and I agree. I have the hardest time with the things on the inside. The things that no one sees or hears.

I've always had a slightly, okay, major obsessive personality. I'm all or nothing. Like if I clean the house I want it spotless from top to bottom base boards, toilets included. If I can't get that done then I don't try at all. Rational? No. But how I am? Yes.

Here's a list of some of the things that torture me on any given day, hour, minute.

(Don't think less of me after you read this...haha)

1. Tornadoes, just recently ya know
2. The 70 lbs I've gained since my wedding
3. Vance (our dog) really needs his teeth cleaned
4. Medical bills from Jesse's birth and fun 3 day stay for his ear infection.
5. BTW does Jesse have an ear infection now? Will he have one tomorrow?
6. I need to join a gym but can we afford it?
7. Salmonella in the kitchen sink getting in the bottles. I should have tried to nurse.
8. I never take my reusable grocery bags to the store anymore. SHAME!
9. Speaking of being green. We never remember to put out our recycling.
10. I really shouldn't buy paper plates.
11. I fit into NO CLOTHES that I owned before Jesse. NONE.
12. Did I mention the 70lbs?
13. Laundry
14. Laundry
15. Laundry
16. Emery still isn't potty trained. Am I a failure?
17. Oh Emery also still has a paci.
18. I had a small group I taught on Sunday mornings. Haven't' been in 9 weeks.
19. Will I get back to adequately preparing to teach my small group.
20. How will I get both kids to church on time?
21. I can never remember to brush Emery's teeth everyday.
22. Will Jesse be on the Autism spectrum b/c I didn't breast feed?
23. Will He be on the spectrum b/c I believe in vaccines?
24. Do I give Emery enough attention now that it's divided with Jesse?
25. Do I give Benji enough attention?
26. Am I still beautiful to him?
27. All those mom's who have blogs that have a cleaning schedule. I hate them.
28. I need to quit drinking so much diet coke.
29. I may be to old to have another baby.
30. Benji and I are going to need a new car soon.
31. Laundry
32. DISHES
33. DISHES
34. Salmonella on the bottles.
35. MRSA on Emery's hands from the Wal-mart buggy.
36. MRSA on Emery's hands from the Target buggy.
37. MRSA on Emery's hands from the play ground at Chick-Fil-A
38. I shouldn't be eating Chick-Fil-A anyway...70lbs???
39. Tornadoes are scary. But I already said that.
40. When did I go crazy?

I'll stop at 40.

I chose this picture because I look back on my life then. I was 7 months pregnant and graduating from seminary. And working 40 hours. What was I thinking? I was thinking I could do it all. But it almost killed me and I think it was a major contributing factor to the placental rupture I had with Emery.

I've got to learn to take it easy and not stress the small stuff.

Like the MRSA at Walmart. :)