When I'm Empty....

All the way my Savior leads me, 

What have I to ask beside? 

Can I doubt His tender mercy, Who through life has been my Guide? 

Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort, Here by faith in Him to dwell! 

For I know, whate’er befall me,

Jesus doeth all things well; 
For I know, whate’er befall me, 
Jesus doeth all things well.


All the way my Savior leads me, 
Cheers each winding path I tread, 
Gives me grace for every trial, 
Feeds me with the living Bread. 
Though my weary steps may falter 
And my soul athirst may be, 
Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! A spring of joy I see; 
Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! A spring of joy I see.


All the way my Savior leads me, Oh, the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised In my Father’s house above. 
When my spirit, clothed immortal, Wings its flight to realms of day,
This my song through endless ages: 
Jesus led me all the way;
This my song through endless ages: 
Jesus led me all the way."

Where I Want To Be

I have no idea where this is. Maybe Italy somewhere? Wherever it is I want to be there.

I have been in a funk, a rut, a "i need somewhere to go" mood lately.

This photo looks like it would be a perfect place to cure me of whatever has been causing my spring fever.

Take me here.

Prima Ballerina

 I mean really. I have no words.  This is my first born and I am constantly amazed at how beautiful and innocent (well....maybe not innocent) any way...I am so amazed at her grace.

She was born with it.

I love her with every beat of my heart. In a way I am her. Not in the crazy "I want to live my life through my child because I never got the chance, stage mom" type deal. But I just see so much of myself in her.

I see my weaknesses in her. But I also see my strengths.

EMERY HART LADD, you are my whole world. I love you more than words could ever, ever express.

See, right here? This is me! haha 

The Truth

The deal.

Sometimes I get tired. I get grumpy, i get hungry- which makes me grumpy.

I get overwhelmed. I get burned out....

But that never ever changes the way I feel about these two.

I would give my LIFE for them. I wake up for them. I love them like I have never loved before.

So. If I complain. Sorry, I believe in honesty and life is honestly not always rainbows and cupcakes. but my life IS in perspective. I believe in a Sovereign God, who is always GOOD, even if I feel like crap. My feeling and emotions and attitude may fluctuate. My JOY, my FAITH, HOPE and LOVE never waivers.

I may be more human than others, or I may just express my temporary feelings more. Maybe it is because I am confident in The One who is eternal and never changing.

That's the deal.

Resurrection Sunday

When I survey the wondrous cross

On which the Prince of glory died,

My richest gain I count but loss,

And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,

Save in the death of Christ my God!

All the vain things that charm me most,

I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,

Sorrow and love flow mingled down!

Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,

Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

His dying crimson, like a robe,

Spreads o’er His body on the tree;

Then I am dead to all the globe,

And all the globe is dead to me.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,

That were a present far too small;

Love so amazing, so divine,

Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Isaac Watts 

Why Seminary and Kids Wont Let Me Finish Twilight and Start Hunger Games

Y'all thought I was gonna get all theological on y'alls behinds....haha. Well that aint me. I mean I LOVE theology. I live it. Speak it. Know it. But I also know and appreciate young, imaginative minds. Children who love to read. Who devour books in a day....that was me when I was a pre-teen. I read and read and read and I am so glad my parents never encouraged me other wise. I also played outside a ton. actually I read outside a ton. Life was good and I have forever had a love affair with books.

BUT after the past twelve years.....

I'm just REAAAAADDDDDDD OUUTTTTTTT.

No for real.

The first problem was/is when I was pregnant with Emery I was finishing up my last semester in seminary, earning my Masters of Divinity in Theology.

I read A LOOOOOOT. Like a real lot. more than anyone who hasn't been in seminary AT SOUTHERN seminary could understand.  This aint no pseudo seminary, where you can get your degree totally online in whatever. This is a true, for real, musty halled seminary. With real real smart professors. and real real smart students. A whole lot smarter than me.

I went just because I love school. I love Jesus. I love to learn more about Jesus. I also love to read. (annnndddd.....I didn't want my husband to be smarter than me). For real.

Anyway once I graduated, had Emery, moved to South Carolina, started my role as a side kick to Benji's ministry I found not one ounce of time to read unless it was in the bathroom.

And that reading usually consisted of People or US weekly. OR if I was lucky and feeling really cultured I would read one of the Southern Livings my friend Jocelyn had handed down to me.

Occasionally I would find a blog that sucked me in. (I consider that reading, hello! even if it is stalking).

Once I settled in as a new SAHM I was stuck with day time television and watching Emery bounce for hours in her exersaucer. One of my friends introduced me to Twilight, the series.

I LOVED Twilight. New Moon was actually my favorite. But I struggled getting passed those two.

Life set in, I got the last two in the series and got hooked on other books.

Then I got pregnant with Jesse. That ended my reading streak. Up until now. The last book I read was The Help, it was amazing and kind of left everything else I tried to pick up seem futile.

Now I want to, REALLY want to finish the Twilight series and see the movies. AND then start the Hunger Games and see the movies. I've got so many dreams...haha. reading two books. I will achieve this  goal!

Spring Chaos

Spring brings chaos in my mind.

Spring break means no Pre K for Emery,which means she needs entertaining 12 hours a day. While also have to simultaneously entertain her brother for 12 hours. ANDDDD I''m expected to do this Spring Clean thing.

Two weeks ago we started on the laundry room and it looks amazing. I've actually enjoyed being in there. Benji finished painted it this week. Now all I have to do is find a light I want to hang and we will be done with that makeover!

I decided on a whim today to clear everything out of my closet. Last week I had already gone through the shoes so there was a big ol black trash bag full of shoes gone from the closet when I started today.

Okayyy. Here are a few reasons that really have kept me from doing this along time ago.

One. I felt like i had done it so much already! we moved from Louisville to Greenville and I got rid of a ton of stuff then. Once we bought a house in Greenville I got rid of a ton more stuff that we had in storage while we were in an apartment. I had a great yard sale.

Then a few times each year I take a load to good will.  I feel like I am constantly throwing crap out. I don't keep papers, even some I should keep.

Number Two reason that's kept me from tackling the closet is that in my mind I keep telling myself I'm going to get back down in weight and will be able to wear, you know, THOSE SIZES..... my favorite pair of jeans PRE BABY was a size SIX people from Abercrombie. I aint never ever ever gonna fit in those suckas ever again.


unless, UNLESS I get my "total mommy makeover surgery" where they tuck and cut and suck and perk up all the areas that have been ruined, malled, stretched and deflated by my lovely children.

I also finally got rid of the teeny tiny size 6 bikini from J. Crew that I bought for our honeymoon. 11 years ago. I let it go.

It really is an emotional process. Mainly because it teaches me that I have ALWAYS had an issue with my weight. (in my head of course). I remember feeling self conscious and fat on my honeymoon in that bathing suit. Obviously I was smokin! I'm 5'7', when I got married I was 125. When I graduated high school I was 115. Every year since I can remember, I think it started in 4th or 5th grade, I started thinking about being fat and thinking that was the reason for ____, _____, _____, and _____. whatever. It was my constant stresser.

I look back on my life and in some ways now, I love my body more than ever. To have grown, developed  two healthy, big babies in my womb has made me realize what exactly my body was made for. Emery and Jesse are my two proudest accomplishments.

I will be honest again, because that's how I roll.....I have not tried AT ALLL to lose weight and get back into exercising after having Jesse. So I have no excuse and I'm not going to complain.  I've honestly been just barely keeping my head above water the first year of life with another child. My Post partum depression is MUCH better now. Not even something I think about daily, I'm feeling great and feel like I finally have a grip on how to get stuff done!

I know how weight loss works. I lost 40lbs in seminary after i realized sitting in lecture halls for 4 years had put a few pounds on my rear. I lost around 40-50 lbs after Emery was born. Both times I worked very hard at it. I did Weight Watchers religiously the first time and the second time I did W.W. some but mostly worked out consistently.

So I know now what I have to do. I am getting rid of all the clothes that don't fit me NOW. AT THIS MOMENT. If I get back down to a six, I swear I'm going on the biggest shopping spree ever.

and P.S. I will never hate my body like I hated it when I was in my teens and twenties. It's a shame because it's exactly what I long for now and I didn't appreciate it when I had it.