In case it isn't' obvious to most of you...which I would imagine it is.
I am one of the lucky mothers who gets to suffer through post partum depression.
I was hoping this time with Jesse would be easier.
It has been different.
But not easier.
I should have known that given my history with anxiety and bouts of depression that I would be a likely candidate for PPD.
But when Emery was born it took me totally by surprise. Hit me out of nowhere. Like a truck.
One of the MAIN reasons I quit breast feeding her, and THE MAIN reason I didn't try with Jesse.
I'm dealing with it, I've had many, many conversations with my Dr. about it.
I love her, by the way. She has made me feel not crazy, reassured me that this is out of my control and that I will get better.
I did get better after Emery was born. The one year mark was like a magic milestone for me.
I hope that this helps people realize why I've been so out of sorts, so random, so paranoid.
I would give ANYTHING to not have to deal with this. But it is my thorn. So I'm embracing it and hopefully some of you out there will feel not as alone.
I know that some will have no clue what PPD feels like.
But some of you, you know how I feel. You know the devastation that comes with PPD.
I love my kids, my husband more than life itself and to feel nothing but darkness after a baby is born is heart breaking.
You never, ever know who is dealing with what. So please do not look at people that you think have it all together and "assume" things.
Every one is fighting some kind of battle. So be kind.
5 comments:
Kristi-
I feel your pain. I have suffered with PPD with both of my beautiful boys. Thanks for your post.
Alicia
Obviously I haven't dealt with this, but it still made me tear up. Especially the part about everybody dealing with something. So true. I really just want to give you a hug.
I'm so sorry.
I don't think I had PPD, but I think most women go through such a ...weirdness...after having a baby. Nothing feels the same. Nothing feels right. I'm so scared to have another baby because I don't want to go through all of that...YUCK again. It feels like two years of your life just...go away. So, in that way, I do identify with you.
Thank you for always being who you are and not sacrificing that to put on the ol' "dog and pony show" for the world.
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus/look full in His wonderful face/and the things of earth shall grow strangely dim/in the light of His glory and grace..."
Girl, I *so* hear you. Praying for better days around the corner.
thanks yall. i am actually feeling much better recently, which is why i felt okay to share my struggle.
what adds an entire different level of pressure to the situation is the fact that i am supposse to be a "strong" christian. it is so sad that christians, the ones who should embrace hurting people, are the very ones who wont discuss issues like this. i can tell you that no amount of bible reading or prayer could pull me out of that whole i sank into after emery was born. it was something that obviously needed medical attention. once i got a handle on the crazy hormones that go bizurk "after another HUMAN is taken out of your body!!!" i was better.
it is a process and like i said it's my thorn and im just going to have to deal with it if i want to keep having adorable mini me's! haha. which i want a thousand more of!!! ")
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