Resurrection Sunday

When I survey the wondrous cross

On which the Prince of glory died,

My richest gain I count but loss,

And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,

Save in the death of Christ my God!

All the vain things that charm me most,

I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,

Sorrow and love flow mingled down!

Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,

Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

His dying crimson, like a robe,

Spreads o’er His body on the tree;

Then I am dead to all the globe,

And all the globe is dead to me.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,

That were a present far too small;

Love so amazing, so divine,

Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Isaac Watts 

Why Seminary and Kids Wont Let Me Finish Twilight and Start Hunger Games

Y'all thought I was gonna get all theological on y'alls behinds....haha. Well that aint me. I mean I LOVE theology. I live it. Speak it. Know it. But I also know and appreciate young, imaginative minds. Children who love to read. Who devour books in a day....that was me when I was a pre-teen. I read and read and read and I am so glad my parents never encouraged me other wise. I also played outside a ton. actually I read outside a ton. Life was good and I have forever had a love affair with books.

BUT after the past twelve years.....

I'm just REAAAAADDDDDDD OUUTTTTTTT.

No for real.

The first problem was/is when I was pregnant with Emery I was finishing up my last semester in seminary, earning my Masters of Divinity in Theology.

I read A LOOOOOOT. Like a real lot. more than anyone who hasn't been in seminary AT SOUTHERN seminary could understand.  This aint no pseudo seminary, where you can get your degree totally online in whatever. This is a true, for real, musty halled seminary. With real real smart professors. and real real smart students. A whole lot smarter than me.

I went just because I love school. I love Jesus. I love to learn more about Jesus. I also love to read. (annnndddd.....I didn't want my husband to be smarter than me). For real.

Anyway once I graduated, had Emery, moved to South Carolina, started my role as a side kick to Benji's ministry I found not one ounce of time to read unless it was in the bathroom.

And that reading usually consisted of People or US weekly. OR if I was lucky and feeling really cultured I would read one of the Southern Livings my friend Jocelyn had handed down to me.

Occasionally I would find a blog that sucked me in. (I consider that reading, hello! even if it is stalking).

Once I settled in as a new SAHM I was stuck with day time television and watching Emery bounce for hours in her exersaucer. One of my friends introduced me to Twilight, the series.

I LOVED Twilight. New Moon was actually my favorite. But I struggled getting passed those two.

Life set in, I got the last two in the series and got hooked on other books.

Then I got pregnant with Jesse. That ended my reading streak. Up until now. The last book I read was The Help, it was amazing and kind of left everything else I tried to pick up seem futile.

Now I want to, REALLY want to finish the Twilight series and see the movies. AND then start the Hunger Games and see the movies. I've got so many dreams...haha. reading two books. I will achieve this  goal!

Spring Chaos

Spring brings chaos in my mind.

Spring break means no Pre K for Emery,which means she needs entertaining 12 hours a day. While also have to simultaneously entertain her brother for 12 hours. ANDDDD I''m expected to do this Spring Clean thing.

Two weeks ago we started on the laundry room and it looks amazing. I've actually enjoyed being in there. Benji finished painted it this week. Now all I have to do is find a light I want to hang and we will be done with that makeover!

I decided on a whim today to clear everything out of my closet. Last week I had already gone through the shoes so there was a big ol black trash bag full of shoes gone from the closet when I started today.

Okayyy. Here are a few reasons that really have kept me from doing this along time ago.

One. I felt like i had done it so much already! we moved from Louisville to Greenville and I got rid of a ton of stuff then. Once we bought a house in Greenville I got rid of a ton more stuff that we had in storage while we were in an apartment. I had a great yard sale.

Then a few times each year I take a load to good will.  I feel like I am constantly throwing crap out. I don't keep papers, even some I should keep.

Number Two reason that's kept me from tackling the closet is that in my mind I keep telling myself I'm going to get back down in weight and will be able to wear, you know, THOSE SIZES..... my favorite pair of jeans PRE BABY was a size SIX people from Abercrombie. I aint never ever ever gonna fit in those suckas ever again.


unless, UNLESS I get my "total mommy makeover surgery" where they tuck and cut and suck and perk up all the areas that have been ruined, malled, stretched and deflated by my lovely children.

I also finally got rid of the teeny tiny size 6 bikini from J. Crew that I bought for our honeymoon. 11 years ago. I let it go.

It really is an emotional process. Mainly because it teaches me that I have ALWAYS had an issue with my weight. (in my head of course). I remember feeling self conscious and fat on my honeymoon in that bathing suit. Obviously I was smokin! I'm 5'7', when I got married I was 125. When I graduated high school I was 115. Every year since I can remember, I think it started in 4th or 5th grade, I started thinking about being fat and thinking that was the reason for ____, _____, _____, and _____. whatever. It was my constant stresser.

I look back on my life and in some ways now, I love my body more than ever. To have grown, developed  two healthy, big babies in my womb has made me realize what exactly my body was made for. Emery and Jesse are my two proudest accomplishments.

I will be honest again, because that's how I roll.....I have not tried AT ALLL to lose weight and get back into exercising after having Jesse. So I have no excuse and I'm not going to complain.  I've honestly been just barely keeping my head above water the first year of life with another child. My Post partum depression is MUCH better now. Not even something I think about daily, I'm feeling great and feel like I finally have a grip on how to get stuff done!

I know how weight loss works. I lost 40lbs in seminary after i realized sitting in lecture halls for 4 years had put a few pounds on my rear. I lost around 40-50 lbs after Emery was born. Both times I worked very hard at it. I did Weight Watchers religiously the first time and the second time I did W.W. some but mostly worked out consistently.

So I know now what I have to do. I am getting rid of all the clothes that don't fit me NOW. AT THIS MOMENT. If I get back down to a six, I swear I'm going on the biggest shopping spree ever.

and P.S. I will never hate my body like I hated it when I was in my teens and twenties. It's a shame because it's exactly what I long for now and I didn't appreciate it when I had it.

Blessed

These past few weeks have worn me down. Benji in the hospital. Me being seriously afraid for his life, (for the first few hours)....then coming home.

Trying to get back to normal for a week, then we get hit with the stomach bug. Praise the LORD Emery never got the virus.

Jesse was the worst, lasting for about a week for him. Benji and I both had it about 24 hours.

This week however, I have been reminded....

Renewed.

Thankful that it was JUST a stomach virus, JUST an unknown virus that sent Benji to the hospital.

So many people are suffering REAL illnesses, lifetime sickness, REAL loss.

So this week I was just thankful. Thankful that my family is healthy. That we have an awesome house (normal by American standards- Castle by World wide standards). We have so much to be thankful for.

I am feeling back to my "normal" self again. I am loving life, loving the every day, loving the place God has put me.

I am...We are so so blessed.

I'm Green. Until I'm Not

I'm green. No for real. I take the call of being a Christian very seriously and part of that call, I feel is to preserve the planet He has created for us.

I mainly use "green" products. Trader Joe's has the awesome all purpose cleaner that I have used for awhile to clean everything, counters, bathrooms, windows, glass, high chair, table, whatever.

Whole Foods has awesome, cheap detergent and all purpose scrubbing cleaners for the tubs, tile, etc....

A few years ago I quit buying napkins and paper towels. I started back after my mom gave me a Costco size box of paper towels when Jesse was born. I was addicted so fast again!

Then my dishes washer went out. SERIOUSLY! So I continued our paper plate consumption, which we also started when Jesse was born. It was just so easy when people were bringing meals for us to have paper plates and not have to worry about the dishes.

I used to recycle obsessively. We have recycle pick up and I swear we always have the most on the curb. They don't pick up glass so I used to take our glass to the local recycle center myself.

I know I sound crazy. I accept that. I am OCD...No really. I'm diagnosed. If I told you all the things that run through my head....YOU'D really know.

Anyway. We had even starting composting all our compostable material to fertilize our garden. We acquired a rain barrel to catch rain so that we could water our garden with out running up our water bill.

WE WERE GREEN, PEOPLE.

I had no products with HFCS. I had switched most of our flour products to whole wheat. I was making so much progress!

Our garden was awesome!

Then we went and had another dang baby.

He put a kink in my greenness.

And THEN....THENNNNNNN. These past two weeks happened.

Let me tell you. My greenness went out the window with the stench of vomit and diarrhea.

I RANNNNN to the nearest Walgreens and bought all the Clorox products I could find.

Today I have been washing anything and everything that can be washed. I've been boiling paci's, toothbrushes, (because I JUST bought new ones after Benji was in the hospital). I have moped and swept and scrubbed and wiped every surface.

It's been a long day. I'm so over winter, and illness and stench and cold. I am ready for summer and health and being green again and warm weather!

Dear Sleep

No Allergy Problems Here

Well, it did end up being the stomach bug Jesse had and he lovingly shared it with Benji then Me. Emery (as of today) has not fallen prey...

But I'm holding my breath. Today is the first day Jesse has had no symptoms, since Friday! That's a long time for a baby to be sick. He definitely had it the worst. Thankfully the nurse on call told me to put him back on his formula since it was soy. I was really concerned because we had just switched him to mainly table food and whole milk.

Which does NOT agree with the stomach bug. He has stayed pretty active and playful, we've just had a lot of messes.

I feel like just throwing all the clothes, sheets, towels, blankets, everything out and starting over! It is nasty up in here.

Benji spent all Monday in the bed, Then Tuesday I spent all day in bed. Wednesday (today) Benji went back to work....BOOOO! leaving me, not yet fully recovered home with the babies. At least Emery had school this morning so I got a few more hours of rest while Jesse took his morning nap.

I know that's the only way it can be done and I really try not to complain but I think that is the hardest part about being a SAHM. I can't send my kids to daycare and take a sick day. BUT I MADE IT!

Tonight was Wednesday night church meal, so I had my first food tonight and sweet tea. I think that sweet tea was the best thing I've tasted, ever!

Benji lost 12 POUNDS!!! CRAZY!!! He did have a head start on me with his 3 day hospital stay. I've only lost 5. I know it's all water weight but it sure is fun to see those numbers go down! It adds a little positivity to an otherwise horrible month.

Another positive note is that I haven't been outside so I haven't had any issues with the pollen...yet.