About That Time.....

Only a few more weeks until Benji travels to Brazil without. me....sighhhhhhh...... :( :( :(

I would give anything to be able to go with him. Anything except my kids.

So I will stay. Here with them. and wait. Wait for my gift from afar.......a new pair of Havianas. And maybe a cute scarf for pair of earrings.

Mother's Day 2012.

Today was perfect.

I woke up late, Benji took both the kids with him to church early. Jesse is usually my alarm clock. :) Emery usually goes with Benji early because she likes to eat the donuts he gets for the youth and run around in the gym before her class.

I went to church, we came home. I requested Bojangles fried chicken for lunch. (yes, yes I did.) I have a neurotic aversion to going "out to eat" after Church. I hate it. the kids are tired, I am tired. It takes forever, so if we don't eat at home, ( which we usually do) we grab food from drive through and eat at home. But that is hardly ever. Especially since Benji put me on a food budget.

But since today was Mother's day I requested Bojangles. :) y'all for real, it is the for real deal. anyhow. Benji and I were too full from lunch to eat much dinner.

Emery had leftover spaghetti and Jesse had corn and a biscuit. He had a good lunch of chicken, green beans and mac and cheese.

After lunch Jesse, Emery and I took a nap. I think Benji watched golf for most of the time, but snoozed for a little....

Friday we headed to Gainesville to spend time with both of our moms. I think the kids were still exhausted from that trip because they were off the wall today! Both of them! GRUMPOS.

I took a nap and read most of the day but still managed to get stressed by Emery's crazy behavior!!!????

I am taking a few days/weeks/months off of Facebook. Haven't decided how long yet.

I am reading the book I talked about in the last post.

I have gotten back into reading. (praise LORD).....I have about 5 books I'm going through right now. (which is how I roll).

I have found so much "free time" now that Facebook isn't apart of my daily routine.

I'm going to get back on of course. But this has been really the first time I have taken more than 24 of a break from it.

Benji ordered me this pair of Hunter Wellington rain boots that I have been wanting forever for Mother's day.

It's been a good day and I am so so thankful for my family.

7, By Jen Hatmaker

Okay so somehow I got sucked into this girl who's kinda like Francis Chan/David Platt, but for stay at home mommies....haha 

That's the best way I can describe her.

As mentioned before, Benji and I have tried and tried to cut/trim/delete/consolidate every little penny we spend each month. Because let's face it, he has a GREAT job but, let's be honest for a moment....being a stay at home mom is rare these days and we DO sacrifice a lot for me to be able to stay at home.

It isn't always my favorite choice, (momentarily speaking like when Emery is peeing in Jesse's room) but it is my choice. I could have worked if I wanted too, Benji was fine with whatever I wanted.

So instead of me working, we bought a smaller house, drove old cars, (until they fell apart) and then my man, my hunter, my hunk of all things 4 wheel drive and TRUCK...he sold his truck and he bought a KIA.

That my friends is called sacrifice for your family. We are still looking for ways to cut back for a few reasons.

1. We want/need to start saving for a "bigger" house, or at least a house with one more room. The price on our house had more to do with location than with the size of it....anyway.
 2. We want to be able for me to travel with Benji as much as possible as WELL as the kids, when he goes on his mission trips every summer. The church pays for him, obviously, but for me and the kiddos we have to pay......and it has always been a desire of mine that as soon as the kids were old enough for us to start taking them on the trips.
 3. SAVINGS, SAVINGS......
 4. Medical bills, medical bills, medical bills. Now I realize to some medical bills "don't really count" because there is just nothing you can do about it. I can't help that Jesse had to come out via C-section then pulled the meningitis stunt.....I also can't help BENJI LADD pulled the meningitis stunt just last month....geeeeeeezzzzzzz!!!!

Anyway me being first born, it makes it incredibly hard for me to know that we "owe" anyone anything. So we are working hard on the hospital bills so that we can have another baby and rack some bills up again!

 5. We also just want to be able to give when we feel led to give. If ya got a zero balance in your account ya can't be giving to the local charity of your choice.

Anyway, you get the point. I'm hoping that together, this year, Benji and I can re-prioritize our budget and cut the "Fat" where it is needed......This 7 book I have a feeling is going to rock my world. I'd encourage anyone to read it themselves. GO FOR IT!

Emery Hart Ladd

If I needed ANYTHING in the world after the week I've had it is this.

Emery made it in Awana's tonight. She was "suppose" to hide it and give it to me Sunday but of course she is MY daughter and couldn't wait at all.

I mean seriously, SERIOUSLY.

I have felt all kinds of emotions this week. I've felt like a failure in just about every area of my life. As a daughter, sister, wife, mother, Christian, cook, housekeeper. Whatever, you name it I have felt defeated. I have felt like I will never ever get it together.

And the voices that I hear that tell me "yeah, maybe you won't", they don't help.

But my friends help me, my husband helps me, my JESUS helps me...

And tonight, tonight my Emery Hart Ladd helped me. She helped me realize, no I'm not perfect. No I'm not always in a positive mood. Yes I do fail from time to time.

But I am her mommy and she loves me no matter what, I love her no matter what NO MATTER WHAT. God has blessed me far more than I can imagine with my two children and there is nothing, nothing in the world that I want more than to add to that quiver of blessings.

"Children are a blessing from the LORD and a heritage for our faith." Even though that verse in found in Psalms in the Old Testament it STILL applies today.

I'm not going all Dugger's on anyone. I'm just saying that maybe, maybe for awhile Christian families have not paid attention to the opportunities that they have in planning large families.

God is in control of my future. I am sure of that.

We want more children. I am sure of that.

And I am thankful that Emery, my first born is so so special.

GOD is good and to him Benji and I give all the glory.

Does This Apply To Groceries?

Benji put me on a budget this month for our "food".....I won't disclose how much it is because that is not really relevant....I will tell you that it is 400 bucks less than what we were spending! WOAH!

Dlyan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

The blog Sous Style I read just posted on this poet. Random I know but this has been my favorite poem for years. 

I even wrote a paper in my Philosophy Class in Seminary on Death and Dying while attaching a copy of this poem to the back. 

I remember my grade wasn't that good maybe a C+....my prof left comments that I was bitter (about my Dad's passing and some of the harsh words people said to me, like "it was for the best since he was so sick") yada yada yada..... anyway. 

I believe in Heaven and Christ and all those things a Southern Baptist girl would believe in but I also believe in fighting for your life until there is no fight left in you. Which is what my Dad did. I miss him every day, almost more now than when he first passed. 

This poem reminds me so much of him because to me he had so much left to do, so much more living, yet God, illness, took him too soon. 

I believe in the sovereignty of God, but I also know that Sin is ultimately why we die. Perfection is made complete in heaven and I have a peace about him being there and us meeting again. 

But still there are days when I wish he was here, hunting with Benji, holding my son, or just here to talk to me about IRA's, 4O1K's and cars...... 

I'm An Owl

I get like a second wind around 11pm and then it is almost impossible for me to fall asleep at a decent hour. i've always been this way.

But at 3pm in the afternoon all I can do is think about sleep!

I wanted to upload a few pictures just for entertainments sake but I'm not sure which ones to use because I'm not real sure what this post is about.

I got to hold the most precious little bitty baby, I say little but he was 6lbs so that's pretty normal. I just never had one that tiny. He was so ethereal, so calm, and sleeping and snuggly. Oh it made my uterus shake with anticipation of another baby.

BUT. I know we need to wait. Or maybe stop at two. Benji would have ten so it's entirely my decision which is good and bad. I go back and forth all the time.

This weekend Benji sent the kids to his parents so I could rest, while he worked hard at our churches Hispanic ministries annual event all day Saturday.

We had a great weekend. Friday we had dinner with old high school and college friends who live here now. We had a BLAST. There is just something about reconnecting with people who knew you "when" ya know....I mean Benji and Hugh (the other husband) have been friends since they were like 15. I met Hugh around 17 and his now wife, Hollie, I met in college. We reminisced and told our "how we ended up together" stories about our marriages and ate TONS of sushi.

Saturday Benji worked all day, so I tried to sleep in a little. I finished my very FIRST book since Jesse was born. 14 months! It was great and a great feeling to actually read something from beginning to end.

When the kids were finally back in our nest on Sunday night I had such a full feeling. A feeling sometimes I forget. I had it again today. I just adore my kids and husband so much. It is SO good and healthy for Benji and I to be able to spend a weekend together while our kids get to know and love their grandparents.

I have a post already started about how I cut our grocery bill in half this past month. Ill try and go ahead and get that one finished. I did it without coupons and with out shopping in dingy grocery stores that I don't like. :)

I'm hoping that I can cut it by $100 more next month, but we will see. I was spending a lot y'all and didn't realize it. In this budget we included all our eating out money as well, date night, chickfila runs, McDonald's lunch, etc....so the biggest change I made was making sure we ate lunch at home. Which is healthier and tons cheaper.

BUT more on that later. I know you all are dying to hear my secrets.....cutting it in half is a major accomplishment AND we used the cash only system alla' Dave Ramsey style. I was reluctant and pouty at first, but I did it!