Does This Apply To Groceries?

Benji put me on a budget this month for our "food".....I won't disclose how much it is because that is not really relevant....I will tell you that it is 400 bucks less than what we were spending! WOAH!

Dlyan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

The blog Sous Style I read just posted on this poet. Random I know but this has been my favorite poem for years. 

I even wrote a paper in my Philosophy Class in Seminary on Death and Dying while attaching a copy of this poem to the back. 

I remember my grade wasn't that good maybe a C+....my prof left comments that I was bitter (about my Dad's passing and some of the harsh words people said to me, like "it was for the best since he was so sick") yada yada yada..... anyway. 

I believe in Heaven and Christ and all those things a Southern Baptist girl would believe in but I also believe in fighting for your life until there is no fight left in you. Which is what my Dad did. I miss him every day, almost more now than when he first passed. 

This poem reminds me so much of him because to me he had so much left to do, so much more living, yet God, illness, took him too soon. 

I believe in the sovereignty of God, but I also know that Sin is ultimately why we die. Perfection is made complete in heaven and I have a peace about him being there and us meeting again. 

But still there are days when I wish he was here, hunting with Benji, holding my son, or just here to talk to me about IRA's, 4O1K's and cars...... 

I'm An Owl

I get like a second wind around 11pm and then it is almost impossible for me to fall asleep at a decent hour. i've always been this way.

But at 3pm in the afternoon all I can do is think about sleep!

I wanted to upload a few pictures just for entertainments sake but I'm not sure which ones to use because I'm not real sure what this post is about.

I got to hold the most precious little bitty baby, I say little but he was 6lbs so that's pretty normal. I just never had one that tiny. He was so ethereal, so calm, and sleeping and snuggly. Oh it made my uterus shake with anticipation of another baby.

BUT. I know we need to wait. Or maybe stop at two. Benji would have ten so it's entirely my decision which is good and bad. I go back and forth all the time.

This weekend Benji sent the kids to his parents so I could rest, while he worked hard at our churches Hispanic ministries annual event all day Saturday.

We had a great weekend. Friday we had dinner with old high school and college friends who live here now. We had a BLAST. There is just something about reconnecting with people who knew you "when" ya know....I mean Benji and Hugh (the other husband) have been friends since they were like 15. I met Hugh around 17 and his now wife, Hollie, I met in college. We reminisced and told our "how we ended up together" stories about our marriages and ate TONS of sushi.

Saturday Benji worked all day, so I tried to sleep in a little. I finished my very FIRST book since Jesse was born. 14 months! It was great and a great feeling to actually read something from beginning to end.

When the kids were finally back in our nest on Sunday night I had such a full feeling. A feeling sometimes I forget. I had it again today. I just adore my kids and husband so much. It is SO good and healthy for Benji and I to be able to spend a weekend together while our kids get to know and love their grandparents.

I have a post already started about how I cut our grocery bill in half this past month. Ill try and go ahead and get that one finished. I did it without coupons and with out shopping in dingy grocery stores that I don't like. :)

I'm hoping that I can cut it by $100 more next month, but we will see. I was spending a lot y'all and didn't realize it. In this budget we included all our eating out money as well, date night, chickfila runs, McDonald's lunch, etc....so the biggest change I made was making sure we ate lunch at home. Which is healthier and tons cheaper.

BUT more on that later. I know you all are dying to hear my secrets.....cutting it in half is a major accomplishment AND we used the cash only system alla' Dave Ramsey style. I was reluctant and pouty at first, but I did it!

When I'm Empty....

All the way my Savior leads me, 

What have I to ask beside? 

Can I doubt His tender mercy, Who through life has been my Guide? 

Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort, Here by faith in Him to dwell! 

For I know, whate’er befall me,

Jesus doeth all things well; 
For I know, whate’er befall me, 
Jesus doeth all things well.


All the way my Savior leads me, 
Cheers each winding path I tread, 
Gives me grace for every trial, 
Feeds me with the living Bread. 
Though my weary steps may falter 
And my soul athirst may be, 
Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! A spring of joy I see; 
Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! A spring of joy I see.


All the way my Savior leads me, Oh, the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised In my Father’s house above. 
When my spirit, clothed immortal, Wings its flight to realms of day,
This my song through endless ages: 
Jesus led me all the way;
This my song through endless ages: 
Jesus led me all the way."

Where I Want To Be

I have no idea where this is. Maybe Italy somewhere? Wherever it is I want to be there.

I have been in a funk, a rut, a "i need somewhere to go" mood lately.

This photo looks like it would be a perfect place to cure me of whatever has been causing my spring fever.

Take me here.

Prima Ballerina

 I mean really. I have no words.  This is my first born and I am constantly amazed at how beautiful and innocent (well....maybe not innocent) any way...I am so amazed at her grace.

She was born with it.

I love her with every beat of my heart. In a way I am her. Not in the crazy "I want to live my life through my child because I never got the chance, stage mom" type deal. But I just see so much of myself in her.

I see my weaknesses in her. But I also see my strengths.

EMERY HART LADD, you are my whole world. I love you more than words could ever, ever express.

See, right here? This is me! haha 

The Truth

The deal.

Sometimes I get tired. I get grumpy, i get hungry- which makes me grumpy.

I get overwhelmed. I get burned out....

But that never ever changes the way I feel about these two.

I would give my LIFE for them. I wake up for them. I love them like I have never loved before.

So. If I complain. Sorry, I believe in honesty and life is honestly not always rainbows and cupcakes. but my life IS in perspective. I believe in a Sovereign God, who is always GOOD, even if I feel like crap. My feeling and emotions and attitude may fluctuate. My JOY, my FAITH, HOPE and LOVE never waivers.

I may be more human than others, or I may just express my temporary feelings more. Maybe it is because I am confident in The One who is eternal and never changing.

That's the deal.