Hadley's Birth Story

So here it is 6 months later. I still havent finished mailing out her announcements, so dont feel bad if you didnt get one.

Hadley was due on the 19th. On February 5th I went to my regular OBGYN check up.

My blood pressure was as normal as could be, but the protein in my urine count was waaaay high.

Baby coming out today!

I knew with Emery the day she would be born, and I had that same feeling that day with Hadley.

Now let me say that my normal BP is like 90/40....which in many cases is low. But that is usually my normal, non pregnant number. So being pregnant it goes up. What I am getting at is just because mine was a normal level, for me it was high.

Honestly I have no idea what time is was. Probably around noon when I got home and told Benji that we were heading to the hospital asap. And that I most likely had pre-eclampsia. Which I was not expecting at all. I was waiting on confirmation from my Dr. that the labs indicated preeclampsia. I had time to take a shower, call some family and friends. Then off to the OR we went.

Now this was my 3rd C-section so I was not as nervous about that. Just that my body was apparently giving up and kicking Hadley out. I Was definitely not prepared for what was about to happen.

I had a GREAT experience with Jesse. the Anesthesiologist and his crew were amazing. I had my doctor of choice doing the section.

With Hadley I immediately felt uneasy about the spinal and the fact that my Dr. wasn't on call and I had to have one I had never even met.

With all 3 of my sections the Anesthesiologist have told me "you're going to feel like you cant breathe, but if you can talk, you can breathe."

Well, ya know what happened next. Everything was going great. Normal routine, Hadley was out, Benji got to see her. I got to see her.

Then I could not breathe. NO REALLY. COULDN'T TALK, COULD NOT BREATHE. NOTHING. I was gasping for air and trying to get the attention of anyone.

Next thing I knew I heard someone say "we have to put you under, Benji, please step out, " and that was it. I was put to sleep for 45 minutes and intubated because my spinal ended up turning into a total spinal. you can google it if you need. But basically once the baby was out I lost enough fluid and blood, weight, to throw off the balance of how much spinal I had and how much my body could handle.

I kept thinking "this must be how Michael Jackson felt" haha.

Once I woke up I still had not realized what happened. Everything was a blur and my memory is a little hazy. They moved me to a baby and mother room, I thought everything was fine.

Then the Dr. that did my section came in and told me that I had lost a lot of blood. ummm I was at a 4 BC. normal is like 12....sooooo needless to say they were going to have to give me a blood transfusion. Two bags of blood later I still felt horrible. My kidneys were not functioning because of the loss of fluid and blood so I wasn't allowed anti inflammatory pain meds, so my pain was through the roof.

I actually ate nothing the entire time I was in the hospital. The day they discharged me I was still nauseous and barely able to stand, not from the pain but from the loss of blood.

Basically this was the worst birth experience of all 3. Emery's was scary because she was sick, Jesse's was great and Hadley's was horrible because I almost died. THREE IS ENOUGH FOR THIS CROWD. I am perfectly content with the 3 babies my body has grown and carried. I am so thankful that they are healthy and that I am here to watch them grow.

My PPD was about the same this time. I still struggle with it daily. Actually this 6 month mark has been the most difficult, but I think that may have to do with Benji being gone so much this summer and Emery starting kindergarten.

I am hopeful that as soon as my hormone levels settle, I can start exercising regularly, that I will be able to look back on my season of PPD and find some way to help other mother's who have the same issue.

So if any of you out there have dealt with PPD. LET ME KNOW! Im an expert....haha. I have good days and bad days. The stereotypes and "stories" you hear are not necessarily how it all plays out. I am here for anyone dealing with feelings that they don't wish to have nor that they can control.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT and you can not pray your way out of PPD. I am a Christian, a very firm one. I believe in the power of prayer in all things and I do believe it can help, but PPD is a hormonal problem. You need to talk with your OBGYN if you feel like you may be struggling with it. I will post more on my journey through PPD and OCD. combined= a hot mess! But I have Dr's who love me and want me to be the best mother I can, so I braved the judgment of others and got medical help. Which most definitely saved my life.

LIFE CHANGING!

HOW TO KEEP GUACAMOLE GREEN!!!!! OMG!!!! Please tell me I am not the only one who did not know this secret!?

Assessment= Judgment

Let's all be real here. Emery had her kindergarten "assessment" today. Which is really where they "judge" where they are in their math, coordination and whatever else skills. Which is fine, I totally understand they need a base line to start at with each kid.

Jesse has strep.

Benji has VBS in a town about an hour away this week.

To say that I have been a little off my rocker would be an understatement.

I'm going through the kindergarten parent depression, the end of summer depression and the my baby is eating solid foods and is almost 7 months depression. Plus my usual dose of crazy. This weeks been fun.

I swear if I can just make it past Wednesday, when Emery starts school, I will be okay. She is ready. I am ready, really I am. (that's basically why I had Hadley. So I could send Emery off to school. :).

As much as I love down time, vacation, Saturdays. I do run better on a structured environment. I need order in my life. I need schedule, Lunch time, nap time, bed time. etc.

I've started really, REALLY getting anxious about losing baby weight. My knees are hurting, my back, my yada yada yada...whatever can hurt it does. I feel like the old man in UP when he gets out of bed and has to crack everything to get going.

Once Emery is in school and Jesse is in MMO twice a week I will be hitting up the good ol' YMCA again.

I did SO good after we first moved here and Emery was a baby. I worked out regularly and lost about 40lbs before Jesse was born. Then I gained about 30 with him and about 15 with Hadley. Soooo I'm basically back at where I started AFTER I had Emery.

Imma be honest y'all. This year has taken a toll on me. I look in the mirror, I don't know who I am I hear myself talking, I don't know who I am.....Mid life crisis definitely in effect here.

Well, that's it for now I guess. I know that Jesse needs to get in the bed and the dishes that have been in the sink for 2 days are not doing themselves.

Obsessed.

HELOOOOOO KING GEORGE!!!! I am so obsessed with this couple. Seriously, she could not be more beautiful and perfect and well, he IS Prince William. I was so excited when baby boy was born. 

Also obsessed with The Hunger Games. I know, I'm like 3 years behind but I just started and don't think I will stop until I'm done with all 3. 

Obsessed with juicing! Suja juice (check out their website) is my juice of choice. I feel like it's really making a difference in my over all energy. I actually have two juicers somewhere, probably in my mom's storage unit....but ain't nobody got time to juice 7 carrots and lbs of kale when I have 3 kids. So for now I am buying mine at Whole Foods. 

Benji is back packing in West Virginia this week. Whatever. 

We decided, since we just got back from the beach, that now would be a good time to switch Jesse to a toddler bed. So far so good. 

 I want to paint our bedroom. It's blah to me.....  

We had an amazing, wonderful, way too short time at the beach and I soaked up every moment. I slept late, took naps, and played in the sand with my kids. Such a much needed retreat for our crazy, busy family. 

Emery turned 5 while we were at the beach. She starts kindergarten in about two weeks. I'm OBSESSED about this as well. I can not believe it. She was 2 weeks old when Benji started working at BCBC. Now she is FIVE!!!!!!! 

Jesse also starts MMO this year. my sweet baby boy will be in school at the church twice a week. He will have Miss. Kim and Miss Nancy. (Who Emery started pre K with). I swear. They are the BEST 2yr old teachers on the planet. I can't wait until he gets to spend time with both of them. 

Hadley has cut 2 teeth in the past week. I am OBSESSED with this baby! I love her so much and am so thankful every day that we decided to have a 3rd. I'll be honest, I was scared. And I still have days (like yesterday) that I wonder "what was I thinking?" but then I also have days that I truly wish we could have JUST ONE MORE. But I am convinced that the LORD has led us to stop at 3. We have not given up on the idea of adoption, but my body is finished producing off spring. 

I am also currently obsessed with reading again. I got to read a few books on vacation and like any OCD patient I am currently in the middle of like 5 books! ha. I did get to finish one entire book on vacation. I am now reading The Hunger Games which I am so hooked on.

I am obsessed with LOSING THIS DAG GUM BABY WEIGHT. Seriously I am sooo so sos so so over it. Once Emery starts school I will get things rolling with either a gym nearby or our YMCA. I need to lose at least 50lbs. Maybe even 80. I just want to feel good about myself again and it has been along 5 years having one baby after another and moving 3,4 however many times. I need a routine and I am hoping that this fall brings one. 

Well, Benji and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary this month. I seriously can not believe it has been that long. We have been through so much. I love him more today than the day we married, so that's good! We spent a blissful weekend in Buckhead at the W Buckhead Hotel. Ahmazing. Hotel. We had a blast. 

I am heading to sleepy time. all 3 kidddos are tucked into bed and Benji is somewhere sleeping on the dirt ground. Ha! I am climbing into our down comforter bed. NIGHTY NIGHTY!

My Summer Reading List: Great Expectations!

Okay. tonight I am way scattered. Benji just got home from Serbia yesterday, so it has been a whirlwind of emotion and exhaustion and excitement and did I say exhaustion!?



Today we just slept in. Yes, even the kids. Hadley had her 4/5 month well check visit yesterday and got a ton o' shots. so she has felt pretty rotten.

We ate lunch all together as a family. Which I have to say is RARE now that there are 3. We will get used to it, I know. Emery is usually great, Hadley is obviously great. Jesse not so much. BUT he is two and he is a boy. I know that in a few years he will eat just as well as Emery does. Then we will be dealing with Hadley as a 2 year old. :)

Seriously. I am so, SO thankful to have a 3rd child. I know that does not sound like a lot to many people but she is such a blessing.

Any way. I am in therapy. (I swear I will share that story) but anyway. Something we've talked about is trying to find time for me to do things I enjoy.

Well believe it or not I enjoy reading. This summer I have found a few books, from various lists and friends that I think make up a perfect summer reading list.

I Have a kindle, so if it can be downloaded, it is.

I can not BELIEVE summer is almost over. I swear Emery was just born yesterday and now in a few weeks she will start Kindergarten. WAAAHHHHHHH. :(


Okay. So I'm back. Few days later. Here is my list. Most I've read, partially read, or really want to read. I read in binges. ha. Like the OCD I am. I wont read for months then one day i pick of 4 books and read them all that week. It's random, it's eclectic, its totally ME! ha

(I was going to link the books to Amazon but it's late and I have faith that you all know how to find books on Amazon).

1. The Great Gatsby- FSF.  DUHHHHH. Most of us read it in high school, but PUHLEEZE see the movie and the read it again. Magic

2. Love Does- Bob Goff shares stories of his life, faith and love. "Discovering A Secretly Incredible Life In An Ordinary World." This guy is super smart, and Christian. I haven't started this one yet, but it's been recommend by many. If you like Donal Miller, this dudes for you.

3. Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals- Ian Osborn, M.D. "The Hidden Epidemic of OC-D. " reading up on my recent diagnosis.

4. Paris My Sweet- Karen Wheeler. I've been reading this one for awhile. I would pick it up and get really into it, then switch to another. Then I had Hadley...anyway I plan on finishing it this week. Great memoir of this women's move to Paris and her love affair with all things sweet.

5. The Paris Wife - Paula McLain. Inspired story of the first years of Hemingway's first marriage. To Hadley Richardson Hemingway. WELLLLLL. I named my daughter after Hadley. So I think that's enough said about this book. LOVE!

6. Melissa: A Father's Lessons from a Daughter's Suicide. - Frank Page. I could not put this book down. incredibly tragic, yet full of hope for those of us who suffer from depression. If you have a family member, friend, child, parent who has committed suicide, or if you have ever considered it. Read this book. Also I think all pastors should read this to better help them understand depression, drug use, and suicide.

7. Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn. I was introduced to this author back in my Starbucks barista days. When conversations flowed and coffee did too. This is a great beach read, good mystery.

8. Les Miserables- Victor Hugo. Do I really have to tell you WHY?

9. So Long, Insecurity- Beth Moore. I read this one awhile ago. It was wonderful. It's like she sees into the minds of women everywhere. WE ALL have insecurities and we all need Jesus.

10. Loving The Little Years- Rachel Jankovic. So if you want a hand slap or a butt whooping on raising toddlers, this one is for you. I LOVED this book. She also has a way of looking into our houses where little ones reside and giving my poor attitude a swift kick.


HAPPY READING!!!! SOAK UP THESE LAST FEW DAYS OF A RAINY SUMMER!

Day 3

July, 4th is really one of my favorite holidays.

This year I barely noticed it. I has been POURING, like monsoon rain all week. Benji finally made it through, Munich, Paris and safely landed in Serbia. They will be there for the next week running around like crazy with our dear friends the Hepners.

 This is Caroline. She has been my saving grace during Benji's time away.  She comes over once or twice a week, while I'm here to let me run errands, nap. do laundry, etc. My therapist, (different post for a different time) suggested that I get her to come once a week over the summer. GREAT IDEA.

And,.... Honestly I can remember if I posted about our beach trip to Student Life camp this year. If I did I'm sorry. But I took Emery this time for the first year by herself. I knew going in that my intentions were to minister to my oldest daughter. We had a blast. We ended up being there the week of my 35 birthday. 

We haven't celebrated yet. In a few week we are headed to ATL to spend the weekend, alone, together!  I can not wait until Benji and the crew arrive safely home from Serbia. And we can spend a few weeks together before School starts. 

I Hate Paris Anyway

NO REALLY, I don't. But Benji should be making his way now from Munich to Paris and then on to Serbia. 9 days and counting.

Emery cried tonight when I put her to bed because Benji always puts her to bed first, then I go in and say my prayers with them. They get a double dose of the Holy Spirit round here.

Anyway, I have two, three, request. Please pray for the safety of Benji and the group of graduated seniors/chaperons he has traveling with him. Pray for their travels and that they will see seeds planted among the people of Serbia.

Please pray that I make it through the next 9 days. YOU ALL KNOW I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a almost 5 month old. Today it basically poured rain all day. Which makes for a wild bunch running around like banshees.

I have tried to plan as much as possible for things that we can do "out of the house". I have also planned as much as possible for every meal for 10 days.

Today was a pretty good day. I had a babysitter come and help out for a few hours. Which really takes the edge off of the 4-8pm "Witching Hours" as I call them.

I really am glad for Benji to get to experience all the dreams I had of traveling......it's like he got my dream life. Whatever.

Love to you all, and PRAY for my sanity.