My Own Fault

I tend to "over share" and I need to stop.

Because what ends up happening is people think they know the whole story when really they only know the part I shared.

I'm realizing that at my point/place in life right now It is better for me and for my family if I stop being such an open book.

Why you ask? well I don't regret blogging about my struggles with PPD, so many girls have dealt with it and now they don't feel alone...

BUT I've heard some harsh words from some well intending people over this issue.

Like, if you can't handle the 2 you have don't have a 3rd....

If you have not dealt with it then you do not understand.

And trust me if you have to ask yourself...."hhmmm, I wonder if I had that?" Then you didn't. You know when it hits you because it's like a ton of bricks.

It's not about the kids/babies. It is not about some underlying issue that I haven't dealt with. It is a physical issue that some women deal with after a baby. Just like some girl's stomachs bounce back faster, some mom's hormones bounce back faster and some go bizerk. Mine tend to go bizerk.... It is MORE THAN JUST THE BLUES.

It has nothing to do with my ability to mother one, two, three or four children.

I dealt with it after Emery, I am still dealing with it after Jesse and if I choose to have another baby or 4 more babies I will deal with it then as well.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with the blog. I love to have it as a journal outlet, to record my children and life. It does make me vulnerable though and I'm not sure if it will hurt me in the long run.

Cuteness 1st Edition

I've got some cute kids.

This Is Why I'm Fat

Okay, here are my excuses.

No really, I know there are no excuses. I eat too much and don't run enough.

BUT for real... I am one of those girls who just does not back bounce from pregnancy, AT ALL. I have to work hard, hard, hard.

Did very well with not gaining too much weight with Jesse. But I started 20lbs heavier than I wanted too.

Then I had a C-section, which ain't no cake walk.

Then when Jesse was 6 weeks he earned him self 4 days back in the hospital- that threw a kink in my progression.

Then Benji went to Brazil for 2 weeks, then we went to the beach with the youth, then vacation with the family for 10 days.....

Then I got sick, real sick and had to have my gall bladder out and they yanked out my uvula, WHICH you'd think would have helped my weight but they told me to drink milk shakes, so duh, I did.

Then I went back to the beach with my girl friends, then I went back to the beach with my LUVA Benji for our 10 year anniversary.

NOW! Now, I find myself 10lbs heavier than I was the week after Jesse was born! WHAT THE HEY HEY!!!! FOR REALZ!????

So I am here to say that it is on! I am over this flabby, saggy, waggy, draggy-ness.

Can You Stand The Cuteness? Because I Can't. 8 Months

Real Fast Like

I'm beat. Yesterday was the busiest day ever.

But FUNNN!

I hosted the annual GNO: Halloween party. It was a blast. I love my girls and every year our costumes are so hilarious! I started to panic though...say around Sunday that maybe I shouldn't have volunteered. It's the first big thing I've hosted since Jesse was born. (except for Emery's birthday, but that was kinda different).

It was a blast like it always is.

But I am ready for da weekend!

Apple Season!

This year we headed up to Sky Top Orchard a little earlier and the apples we got are great this year!

I thought since we went during the week, without Benji :o(, we would avoid the crowd.

WRONG!!

There were 3 school buses when we arrived. It was pure craziness! We met a friend up there who happens to be a great photographer. She took some great pictures of Emery and her little man Carson.





A few nights ago I made a super easy apple cobbler. I tasted one of the apples and it was so good! We'll probably end up eating most of them raw. Save calories!

My Arm

Yesterday I picked Emery and Jesse up from the nursery at church and didn't have the stroller for Jesse.

I had to carry him all the way across campus to a lunch meeting that Benji had after service.

Once we got to the car I said out loud, "dang Jesse, is getting heavy, my arm is about to fall off..."

I buckled both kids in and was about to head off when I saw Emery's little lip trembling.

She looked at me and said, "mama, I don't want your arm to fall off."

She has such a tender heart! I tried to reassure her that I was just kidding, that it wouldn't fall off, but I'm not sure I convinced her. :)