It Could Be China

I keep telling my self that this time in my life could be worse.

It could be China. Seriously.

The past two weeks have been bitter sweet. It has been great being able to be with my mom. She has helped me so much and I'm glad that she has gotten to spend time with us, but time here is time away from Benji. It has been so sad for me to think of the time that Benji has lost with Emery. She is changing every day and growing so fast.

Hopefully in the next few weeks we will be able to find a furnished apartment in Greenville and finally be a family again.

I had my six week check up today.

Breastfeeding is not as natural as everyone says it is.

All babies are not born knowing exactly what to do. Not every woman can do it. I have a prolactin deficiency which is the hormone responsible for producing milk. I tried for a month, and made about a half of an ounce per breast.....Emery was eating 4 ounces at about two and 1/2 weeks....that's per feeding.

Do the math. Breastfeeding for me meant I had one hungry and unhappy baby. Add on top of the lack of milk a baby with a "suck that could take the paint off the walls"(which was a direct quote from my lactation consultant).

I did everything I could for a month. I saw a lactation consultant seven times in three weeks. I took the Chinese herb fenugreek, two capsules four times a day. I took reglan, a medicine prescribed for reflux but also used to help increase prolactin levels, three times a day for 14 days. I pumped and fed every 2 to 2 and 1/2 hours, then every 3 hours....

I heard people say, "breastfeeding is natural, I mean women in Africa don't have formula....."

Well that's why babies die in Africa.

That's my spill. I'm still emotional about it. So don't ask how it's going. And don't ask other new mothers how breastfeeding is going. It's none of any ones business and it is a very touchy subject for mothers who can't.

Emery is gaining weight and she is beautiful. And we love each other. Which is what matters.

Besides, I was formula fed and I'm brilliant.

Benji's new job is awesome. He LOVES it. He has a real office too. I'm so excited to get to Greenville and start hanging out with the youth.

I started Weight Watchers this week. Again. For the 3rd time. Last time I did it, about four years ago I lost 20lbs. This time I need to loose....oh, about 40lbs.

I am stinkin excited about McCain/Palin. I'm pretty sure Palin is my hero.

Can't wait for the new T.V. season to start. You know you all are excited too. House, Greys, Biggest Loser, and Dancing With The Stars......

I've never watched dancing with the stars, but this season I will because of Rocco Dispirito.

And okay, Kim Kardashian.

Well, I think I've covered every major topic that's been running through my head. I have to condense it all and post it all at once. Newborns take a lot of time.